♫ It's raining it's pouring...♫♪

When it begins to rain it also pours. But into who's eyes? How you perceive the rain is how you perceive your life. It might be raining, and it may begin to pour, but would your instinct be to reach for an umbrella? Would your thoughts suddenly arise out of the black sand and read, I don't want to get wet? Most likely so...

So when they say 'when it rains, it pours' consider the fact that could have been said by the man who went to the store to grab some groceries and when it began to rain, in his perspective - it began to pour only because he had groceries in his hand and no umbrella? Maybe.

When you come to a place in your life and start to tell yourself that when it rains it pours, think about what you have to protect yourself against the pouring rain.

Damaged Goods

A broken life can never live a normal one. Trying to complicates things. Like trying to wake up everyday and feeling like you're drowning in a life that you shouldn't have. A life that may belong to someone else. Yes, you may have had a good life and everything was fine then something comes in the middle of it and next thing you know you are all alone again.

Sometimes alone is all you may know and no matter how many times you try to put yourself out there, all it does is make you sad. And being sad should not be the emotion that controlls you. And crying shouldn't be the wheel to your life but you find your self being steered by it. It's hard to let go and find peace.

Then you remember why you tried to find piece and then you find out why its out of the question.

There's no reason, no plan for you to try harder. At least that is how it seems. You can't be with someone that has deep scars. If they're closed, there bound to open all over again. Those scars are always left to leave you talking about them. They never go away.

Sometimes you wish you could sleep all day and life took place in your dreams but you can't escape reality. It follows you even when you're sleeping. It's there waiting for you once you wake up, get dressed and go to work. There's no escaping.

You can sit an stare at a wall for hours and not realize its been more than twenty minutes. Because what happens is that wall starts to turn into a window with the people you know, the place you work, the things you like. And they start taking action and soon or later things start to make sense then they don't and that's when you start to questions things.

Then once the questions appear, everything else starts to fade out. Now you have hundreds of your problems staring at you. Sooner or later that's when the tears play there part and you just want to sleep.

But the great thing about that wall, is that the problems are there but they can't talk and they can't move. The first long blinks then their gone and its just a white wall again until another episode.

Only Time Can Tell

I love it when everything seems to be going right and you are on cloud 9. That is when time flies by. Seems like the days are shorter even in the summer when they technically are supposed to be longer. Feels like the time doesn't notice any one else but you when you are enjoying life.

I hate it when everything is going wrong and the time seems to slow down. Like it knows that you are in trouble or pain and its getting its pleasure from you. I know this is all in mu head, but when shit is going wrong all you know how to do is watch the time and count the days.

The past few weeks my mind has taken a turn and its caused body aches and pain in my brain. My mood has changed ten different times this weekend, I don't want to eat but I can sure sleep all day.

I hope this phase of what whatever-ness will go away soon so I can go back to living a normal life.

That Boy...

A boy found her in a world with billions of people in it, and just saw her. He saw her in a crowded place, and all he knew was the look on her face. All he knew is that she was there and so was he. Of all the places she could be, that's where she choose.

Of all the doubt she has ever carried, she chose to see that boy again. To see a boy that had found her in a world with billions of people. She followed his words and hung by them every time that boy made her smile.

That boy, that one boy in all this world found a piece of love inside his heart. He gave that love to this one girl. And after all this time, after all these years, that piece of love fit right into that small piece in her heart.

It helped her grow and when it did, it shown that boy all that he could do. And so he decided to give her more until her heart learned to dance.

That's when she knew that this one boy that found her in this world with billions of people in it, was meant for something.

So she decided that this one boy was worth all her love and all her life.

Nothing More To Say

The sun begins to fade behind words
he once spoke,
behind times I wanted to leave.
The breeze becomes violent and
my dress starts to dance.
I close my eyes and let myself
stand in this meadow of his
negative mind and
burning thoughts.
Then tears find their way to
the straps of my dress
and then at that time
I begin to really cry.
Crying like it was the first time
I've ever cried.
Feeling intense waves inside my body
and seeing the skies
become dark and darker as if they
were my mood ring.
Gravity pulls down the frown that
begins to form
on my face.
The wind starts to strip all
sanity I once treasured
and the strength I
once had.
Minutes felt like hours
and hours felt like weeks.
And as I open my eyes,
blurry vision reminds me of what
once was.
So I fall to my knees,
I release my hair and
uncover my face.
I see the make-up stains on my hands and
I suddenly feel lost.
Lost for hope,
lost for thoughts,
lost for imagination.
My knees become weak and I start
to fall over,
and when I do,
I plan to lay there with no white flag,
with no please in my words,
with no regret in my heart.
His words may have won in this world
but I've become shallow
and have acquired an emotion you've never
seen.
So let me cry in this dead meadow
that grows on your
selfish mind.
I'll find myself soon.

Zzzzzzzz.....

My legs are restless and my back is aching,
I lay on this old couch and suddenly it becomes beyond comforting.
I close my eyes and now I'm falling into a deep sleep,
Winding down into place I have never been.
As I am falling and falling I get butterflies,
I feel relaxed.
The walls are glowing from the electricity,
The air smells like cinnamon,
I feel like I'm in a scene from Alice in Wonderland,
Except, retro active.
And as I come to a stop I land in a bed of coconut,
Surprisingly comfortable.
I'm laying there seeping into a daze,
Into a trance I can't wake out of.
My fingers become full of tingles,
And my hair become soft as silk.
Suddenly I feel a rocking that is back and forth,
And as I look down, I am now laying at the bed of a crescent moon.
It rocks me to sleep and there I dream of another place,
A place that smells like cinnamon,
And the walls glow from electricity.

Its Not What It Seems To Be Anymore...

There are so many expectations and reasons and whatever else it may be. It's overwhelming me and pushing me over the edge where I no longer feel like its worth taking someones hand.

I no longer feel like an excuse can become a reason then turn into something it should of never have.

With every emotion going through my body I have broken myself into a piece of something that is numb and has no taste buds. No reaction to things that matter and no reaction to things that don't.

I see a hole in the wall that is surrounded by piece and love. I just can't seem to climb out of it. I slept in it and its taking over everything that I once believed in.

I'm numb, full, tired and hopeless.

Change arrived and it's not leaving.