There's Nothing I Can Do

I really just want to love him,
To tell him everything he is to me,
To show him the deeper part of my heart.
I really feel like all that love was given up.
Like hope left and never plans to return.
Things I said.
Things I didn't.
How many times do I sit and replay it
Until it goes away?
That lump in my throat seems to like it there.
My eyes are sore from all the tears.
I'm exhausted from being in love
When I can't be loved.
But I won't become a zombie.
I won't sit around and cry.
The worst is over,
And even though I'm in pain,
I'm still breathing.

Bad Lemon

Let that lemon roll off the counter
onto that cold floor
let someone find her
see what she's meant for
maybe she's there for a lesson
or to be thrown away
she isn't better than rest
she isn't an innocent stray
she is the kind of lemon that is beyond bitter
more than a choice
no one knows her
no one hears her voice
but someone picks her up
puts her in their bag
she doesn't feel any love
it's just to sad....

And Bingo Was Him Name=O

I can't have dairy products often and when I do have them good things do not happen to me. I decided to try this new place by work, a Mexican food joint. I heard lots of great things about it and so there I was eating it all up! I even got a large horchata! Love those things.

Well, 20 minutes later and my belly is having some issues. Now I'm telling my belly to chill out cause I'm at work and can't be on a pooping mission right now. But it has a mind of its own. Well I can't go poop on my floor, we all know the 2ND floor bathrooms are for pooping. Duh! So there I am flying down 2-3 flights of stairs like if someone was chasing me with a chainsaw. I've never ran so fast down those stairs in heels, but it was an emergency.

I'm hoping, I'm praying that there is not one person in that bathroom cause I'm going to feel really bad if they have to hear what's about to happen. Oh man, my belly is killing me. I slide into the last stall, drop my chonies and BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O!!!!!!!! Holy cow! Man, it's horrible. I thought my bum was from another country by the way it was talking and shit......hahahahahaha.

So finally after 15 minutes of shit, I was done. The race was over. Cut the ribbon and lets get back to work. I couldn't even button my pants up, thank goodness I had a long shirt on!

Pooping at work isn't so bad. Unless everyone is the same building had to share the same bathroom - yikes!

I think I lost my soul back there...

Worry My Life Away

If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. But that’s the problem, I always have something to say and most of the time it isn’t something that is meant to be nice. It’s honesty. I have an easy opinion and it’s not meant to be held in.

I always have lots of things on my mind, I will always worry. I don't think I've lived my life without worry. If I did I may just go insane.

Believe it or not, I actually rather not talk about it sometimes. Some days I just want to be alone. Do my own thing. I'd much rather have less questioning and would more than gladly accept a hug. No words need to be exchanged, just a hug.

I'm an extremely emotional person. Not too many people can keep up with me because of that. But the ones that can usually know that all I need is a hug and just for you to sit next to me. I feel more calm that way, like you really care and really want to know.

Questioning makes me think you want to put your own curiosity as ease no matter what it is but as long as you know. That's all that matters. Well, fine. Push me two more inches away, that's only going to get this no where.

Soft responses is what I need. I don't need to feel like I'm being interrogated when somethings is wrong. But that's the way you deal with things and this is this is my way.

I should never feel the need to ever call anyone else for advise. I should never feel the need to lean on someone else's shoulder. I should never feel like I don't have anyone to talk to that really cares.

Yeah Whatever

I have to tell you that so many people think that I have this piece of girly-ness missing because I prefer not to have flowers giving to me on days you're supposed to give those. I don't like surprises because I thinks it's cliche and it's not exciting to me.

I don't celebrate Valentine's Day with someone because it's forced. Most men hate it because their women nag on how they better be getting them something good or whatever. It's just something else to fight about.

I'm the kind of girl that just wants your attention. All the time. I want to have songs played for me that remind you of me. I want flowers on a rainy day that is least expected. I want to be given chocolate once a month, because that is the only time I really ever want it. I want to be told everything you love about me at random times.

I may like having an agenda, but when it comes to the mentioned above....I'd rather you wing it.

But who am I to say all this shit. People date and its great in the beginning but then you turn into every other couple. And all those super awesome comments stop.

I'm not an average girl. I like to ask for a lot and get a lot in return. I expect too much. But that is a problem I am willing to live with. I could care less about settling down right now. But if I'm 50 years old and have no one, then I might consider marriage. I might consider that there is someone for everyone.

There are a lot of things I would like to believe and things I don't believe it.

But hey you learn something new everyday and then you apply that new lesson and keep on going.

Please Do.....me better

Cross my heart hope to die, stick a thousand needles in my eye
If I live to see another day
Stick one thousand more
If then I live to breathe once more
Blind fold my life as my eyes are sore
If then I become weak of the dark
Then show me little light as I refuse to live little
Keep me contained in a box not fragile
And stamp ship to china on the side
Send me to a place where my face has not been seen
Send me to a place where I no longer need to hide
Wrap me up in bandages
And don't tell anyone where I have been
Cross your heart hope to die, stick a thousand needles in
your eye?

My Story

She wakes up with apple juice stains on her t-shirts and Lego's under the covers.
She doesn't like ketchup with her eggs, but her kids love it.
She never eats dinner because she'd rather see her daughter off to sleep.
Shower time is relaxing time until someone can't reach the juice on the counter.
Her work is everything until she's tired and wants to go home.
She doesn't drink the milk after her bowl of cereal or after dipping cookies in it.
This all may seem weird to people, but to her kids she's mommy.
Some days she watches cartoons even when her kids aren't around.
Some days she falls asleep with her daughters blanket and her sons pillow.
Her kids don't care if there isn't enough time to watch that movie for the fifth time.
Her kids think its funny that she sleeps with one leg out of the covers and with 5 pillows.
She hates it when her arm falls asleep but nothing she can do since one of her angels are sleeping on it.
She curses and kicks air when she's mad, he kids laugh at it.
She talks to herself all the time, no matter who's around.
She waits to fill up on gas when the light comes one.
She's never on time.
She enters a room hoping no one is looking at her.
Bed time is usually around 8pm.....even on the weekends.