Sewn Shut

No one wants to hear the truth. It's too painful. No one wants to be lied to either. So what do you do? 

Keep your mouth shut. 

If you tell the truth, you are insulting someone. If you lie to them, you are being deceitful. 

So you just have to keep your mouth shut. 

You have to respect people's feelings regardless if they respect you. You have to fake the laughter because you have to to be respectful. You can't be sarcastic with others because they get offended.

Keep your mouth shut.

Your job is to take care of the kids and be a good wife. That's it. Those are your two jobs. You are not a person. You are an employee. Don't talk back.

Keep your mouth shut.

Your opinion isn't needed. People are too weak to hear your opinion. It doesn't matter. You are living your life wrong. You have to lie to people. 

Otherwise, keep your mouth shut. 

You are shameful. You can't understand because you have no filter. You can never just pretend to get along. Why? Why can't you pretend like I do?

If you can't, keep your mouth shut.

It's not about you. Stop sharing what is on your mind. You are on thin ice. You already know this. Thin ice. 

You are on the ice. 

You are on thin ice.

You are on thin ice.

You only have two jobs.

You only have two jobs.

You only have two jobs.

You have to lie to people. 

You have to lie to people. 

You have to lie to people.

You get everything you want in exchange to lie. To pretend. To fake it. 

Keep your mouth shut and everyone wins.

Moon, why can't i?

She lays there staring up at the moon,

Wishing she would get her wings,

To just touch the moon,

To see below at what the moon sees.

She feels the breeze,

She becomes cold,

Shivers up her spine,

Hiccups deep in her tummy.

As she lays staring at the moon,

Cold and alone,

She puts out her arm,

Pretending to grab the moon,

Pretending she's flying to it.

But she knows there isn't wings,

She knows she can't fly,

So she lays there,

Cold and alone.

Misery loves company

We've all heard the saying, "you may be the sweetest peach, but not everyone likes peaches,". I've heard a few people say this to me and every time I've heard it, it's sounds differently. I totally get the saying but the situation I was in at those times, made absolutely no sense on why a person would say that. There are mean girls, there are racists girls. I've finally accepted that in my life. I understand that some girls need to have that bit of drama I'm their life in order to feel like they are alive. I understand that other girls will judge you one day and ask to have coffee with you the next. My problem is that I am too forgiving, too trusting of others. I'm Christian, my job is to forgive and move forward. My job is to spread the word of our good Lord. But recently, rascim set in to a person I least expected it from, and it came with a bit of shock. 

We know that money is the root of all evil. I think social media has taken over that place and has become such a toxic wasteland for those who love to sunbathe in others misery. I just found out that a remake of Left Behind is being filmed, starring Nicholas Cage. I was pretty excited about that since there aren't too many Christian like movies out these days. So when I saw this on my friends Facebook page, I did what any passionate person would do; share it on my wall for others to see. However, my innocent post offended someone close to me and assumed that the post was about her. I do have the right to my opinion, my beliefs, my passion. As does everyone else, with their own opinions, beliefs and passions. It's not my job to judge. But my post what general. To everyone who wanted to read it. If you don't like what I say, unfriend me. I wouldn't be offended by it. 

However, this person decided to "get me back" by posting something ill and disgusting about me to the world and tagged all of the people we know, except for me. The person she was making the post about. Someone close to me, who has been in our home to celebrate birthdays and holidays. I didn't get a chance to see this post, however everyone else did. Including my brother. Of all the people to tag, my brother? It just has me wonder now, was she serious? Did she realize what she was doing? I'm not so sure what was going through her mind, but I knew what was going through mine. I take no joy in attempting to crush others beliefs. So apparently because I like to post about God and what I believe, that made me a whore. I'm not sure where those two fit next to each other. But she did and didn't hold back on how she felt. Her self confidence must be at a low level, I assume, for her to think that my post on Facebook along with the other 200 people on there, thought it was singling her out. My life is much too busy to play on Facebook and talk about her. 

I decided to forgive her. To acknowledge that my heart hurts and that I am saddened by her action. But I do forgive her. It's not my job to judge. I'm not her mother, no one is scolding her. God will judge her. My mother has always said that you can tell a lot about someone by their actions. Of course judgement tried to set in but I overcame it because it would bring me down to the same level she is. Everyone goes through struggles and some have more demons to fight off than others. All I can do is pray for her well being and hope one day she will be at peace and not want to say hurtful things. 

No ones life is perfect, but we have the choice to be happy or sad. Some chose misery because they receive comfort from others and feel that is going to be the only way to socialize. Some chose happiness because it lifts them, it makes others around them feel the same way. The happier you are the less circle of friends you have. It's not sad, it's joyful. It's better to relieve those who are toxic and just enjoy the friends and family who chose happiness. I always tell myself during hard times, if I want a better life I can make it happen. My husband and I both support each other and when one is wrong, we help each other understand why, not judge or criticize each other. It takes a team. Same with friends, support one another, because whatever you give into this world is what you get back. As most people call it, karma. 

I am stronger than what it may look like. I've been through more things in my life than one should before they are 30. I understand that people make mistakes, and I remember that sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt me. Well, this time these words hurt. They dug deep, but I have thick skin and in due time, all will be right and my mind can be at ease. I tell my kids everyday to make good choices, what kind of parent or person would I be by breaking that example, not a very good one. 

Food for thought - 

I WILL NOT CAUSE PAIN WITHOUT ALLOWING SOMETHING NEW TO BE BORN. SAYS THE LORD. 

ISAIAH 66:9 

The past, the present and the future…

Relationships are like drugs, some do them and others don’t. The ones who do, sometimes do wrong and the ones that don’t, tend to learn from the ones who do wrong. It’s a vicious cycle.

I’ve been in good, great, bad, confusing relationships that I have dubbed myself an expert. For those that know me personally, know that I may be 29 but my sole is really 55. I have been there done that starting at a very young.

In my years of being a young mother, a wife and so many other things, I have finally learned why my past relationships did not work out. And, why I didn’t like who I was when I was in them.

The biggest lesson of all was learned but not mastered from my first marriage. We married not for love but for lust. We divorced because the lust ran out. I was completely blinded in this marriage that I had no idea that I was just there because I just was. My mind was completely empty that I couldn’t even add up the facts and realize that the marriage was crumbling. When it did, it hit me. I cried, I was angry, I was happy and then excited. Very weird emotions and yet, my life wasn’t crumbling, just the marriage. I wasn’t going to be one of those women who hide from the world and make drastic changes to cope over the divorce. Instead I just moved forward and that was that.

My lesson learned wasn’t presented until I met my new boyfriend. The one I leaned on after my divorce. I was never a “go-with-the-flow” kind of girl. But in this new relationship I did. I flowed a lot and everywhere with new friends and experiences. I was more caring, open to PDA (which I never was before) and allowed myself to enjoy the alone time when he was out with his friends. It was a new me, and I wasn’t exactly sure if I was being real or fake. But the more he went out with his friends, the more I didn’t like being left out. I felt jealous and I felt like maybe it was my entire fault that he wanted to be out with them. After a while, I finally started communicating it to him. He would be concerned and was willing to compromise. Things I was not used to but appreciating his communication. Another new thing for me was that he was always on his phone. Mostly for work, and so I learned to ignore that. I didn’t focus so much on what he wasn’t doing but just kept my eye on what he was. This was all the good stuff.

When I did start paying attention to more of the gray, I became one of those girlfriends that wanted to know more but without him telling me. So I would investigate, in women’s terms. I didn’t like what I found, it wasn’t bad but it didn’t make me want this anymore. Shortly after that he ended the relationship. I didn’t help much after by posting a vagina rant on my blog and later took it down but didn’t really want to. He was angry and shook me after he read it. He was so mad. I was satisfied in an evil way. That’s when I knew, that’s when everything made more sense. In my marriage I was just drifting along. In this relationship, I became careless and jealous.

My lessons learned; if a man wants to be with you he will. If you have to investigate his social media, the relationship is already over. If you have to check his phone, you have not learned how to trust. If you punish him for things that happened in your last relationship, you don’t deserve him. If guy’s night is too much for you to say yes to, the rest of your relationship will grow tension and then explode in your face. If you become jealous, question yourself not him. When he wants to know what’s wrong, you tell him. If he never asks, find out why. Being in love is not the same as loving him; I’m loving towards my parents. I’m in love with chocolate. Let your man be chocolate. Not your parents. If you question his actions after he has apologized a million times, look in the mirror and question your actions. You don’t dislike his friends; you just aren’t interested in their gossip and hobbies. Don’t hide this, tell him. If he loves you, he will support you. If you can’t go anywhere without him, you are losing your identities. The master of it all – if you hate that he leaves his socks everywhere and that continues to be your argument through your engagement; it will be the argument through your marriage and the reason for your divorce. Unless, you learn how to pick your battles. If you can’t get over the socks on the floor, you will never see the bigger picture.

My list of lessons go on. I admit, I am still learning and molding myself on the little things that I know I will always need to work on. But I’ve figured most of it out and I am happy that it only took me 10 years to come to this conclusion. But now I feel like it’s a curse because of what I see in other relationships around me. I see the ones whose love is truly genuine and the others who struggle to hide their demons.

I’ve given advice to those who asked, but I will never just give my opinion regarding your relationship. And even though I think it, it’s not my right to say it. I know my limitations.

All of this goes to the men out there as well, it’s a two way street. You want a queen, don’t treat us like peasant. And women, if you want a king, don’t treat him like slave.

Until next time.

Bandage Dresses and Why You are Boring

It’s true, I am brutally honest. People say there is a fine line between being honest and being rude. I say it depends on who you are talking to. Maybe 40% of the people I know I could never be honest with because their expectations for reality are really low. So if I do ever so share my honest opinion I am usually shunned. But more in like a secret way, that everyone else knows but me. That’s what I call fake but that’s another blog topic. Continuing on!

Everyone else will ask me to be honest with them and I am. I will wipe the glare from your eyes and show you the truth. The friends I do have left appreciate my honesty and value my opinion. You want to know if you look fat in those jeans, yes. You want to know if your bra is giving you back fat, yes. You want to know if you look alright tonight, no. In the great debate of Herve Leger bandage dresses, do I agree that they are out of style, yes. Does that stop women from wearing them, no. But someone women just like to look tacky when they go out.

Recently, I was in conversation with someone who went out over the weekend and saw a group of girls in their late twenties/early thirties... ALL wearing bandage dresses. These girls are old enough to know when these dresses became a huge “no” in the fashion world. The only time they are a yes is when you have paired them with another piece of clothing and major accessories. Worn alone, boring. You are a boring person. I am sure the women who wear these dresses still, most likely wear the same hairstyle over and over again. Boring.

Seriously, go back and look at your friends Vegas pics and you will see all the girls in the club wearing these dresses. Where has the creativity gone! Why can’t you just let this style die!

I’ve owned 2 of these dress and maybe only wore them a couple times when they were in style. There was nothing exciting about them. They were easy, simple and very little thought ever went into planning that outfit. No fun. Don’t be that girl that shows up to the club and all your friends are in the same style dress. Lame-O was his name-O.

Oh and for the women who need reminders for the goods they carry; if you have a big ass and you just want to show it off, the bandage dress is probably perfect for you, while dancing in a rap video licking sugar sticks from ones hand. But if you have a fat ass, we already know about it, we know that ass is fat. Same goes for tiggo bitties. We already know your shit is huge. What if the roles were reversed and we saw men wanting to show off their goods? I am not ready to see men wondering around with really tight pants showing their bulge. Ew (Jimmy Fallon/Sara voice from Ew show). I mean there are men who already do that, but we all usually think ew already.

If you can't handle the truth then don't ask me.

The claws, the stare and the retards

Judge Judy said "beauty fades, dumb is forever".

How fucking true is this shit right here! Wake up bitches! What's it going to take for you to crawl out of your Mac wearing, spider lash having ass and realize that the sun does not rise and set on your bootAY!

Girls are so quick to open up their mouth to a problem that isn't even theirs. So quick to judge others by what they hear. So quick to assume what's best for the person who IS having the problem. Guess what tramp?! Shit is not your biznazz! 

That's when I'm like, claws out ho. Claws are fucking out. Don't get it twisted when you see a butterfly turn into a fire breathing dragon. Exactly.

It's a selfish feeling when that scorned look, the stare is given. Yup, she knows how shit just got real. Oh, you want to take it all back now? Too bad, this girl doesn't give charity to those who wear the grin of sin. Mama taught me better than that. 

The ones who sit back and soak in all the bullshit, all the lies, all the rumors and gossip are nothing else but retarded. A special kind, it takes a lot of insecurity to turn into that type of person.

Seriously, women have no respect for themselves anymore. Have we lost all control? Yes, once a frizz ball meets a polished ball and the frizz suddenly thinks that the polish is a brat or bitch. Apparently it's that easy. 

This is just a summary of what I constantly see all year round. The holidays are approaching and I can guarantee drama is lurking. I'll be here to write about it. What kind of person would I be if I didn't. 

They always say, if you had a great life you wouldn't have time to pay attention to other peoples lives. However, when one comes across road kill you can't help but gasp at the sight. 

Alright, alright! I'm done with my rant. Back to classy Val.

"You said it. You were thinking it!" Know what movie this is from? Wrong! Lol, kidding.

To conclude this post, don't forget ladies -> mascara goes a long ways! But don't be a whore about it.

Coffee

It’s early and everyone is rushing to grab their coffee to go and a quick breakfast. The baristas are receiving large requests along with ridiculous instructions of how the latte should be made.

There are about three people in front of me, and suddenly I hear this women giving the barista this complicated order and when the barista offered to repeat the order the women says ‘’a professional would never repeat the order, be sure it’s right”. Wow. There are real people out there like this? The barista called out her order, and guess what… There was too much soy milk in the one order that called for light soy milk. The women began to yell and become angry. She pointed to all of the customer’s waiting and said that they are lucky to have us in order for them to stay in business. She continued with her rant and advised all the workers behind the counter to just quit their jobs and go work at Burger King. The manager, wherever he was, finally came out and asked her to leave as she was disrupting a peaceful place where people come to relax.

The women purposely threw the drinks on the floor and dashed out. The building’s walls are all windows so you can see her stomping around as she began to dial up her phone. A few customer’s rush outside and ask her to stop swearing as there were small children around but she paid no attention to them. The security guards for the mall area came by to try and diffuse her anger but she belittled them and called them terrible names. A police officer was called as she was disrupting the peace, and whatever he said to her made her leave.

This woman looked like she just stepped out of a fashion show. She was in her late 30’s early 40’s, cashmere red lipstick, heavy eye make-up. Her perfume was horrid. She also looked like she is extremely high in stress. I try not to judge. But I do pay attention and while we were all in line before the mess happened, I adored her outfit, her make-up. But as soon as she opened her mouth, a monster was unleashed.

I know people have dark stories that affected them as a person. I know a lot of people who could have became nasty because of what’s happened to them. But there is a level of mutual respect that we, as a human race must accept. The person in from of you or behind you in line has no idea who you are. As you do not know them. You have no right to unleash your demons on them. You do not have the right to belittle someone because you feel satisfaction from that twisted action.

Respect is key in every day to day activity. You are an adult. You control your actions. You are where you are today because of what you have done. Everyone has bad days, but we can’t spoon feed you and wipe your ass every time shit hits the fan.

I commend the baristas at this coffee shop for remaining professional and understanding that they have a business to run, not a daycare. They say that when you have a bad experience somewhere you go and tell ten of your friends. But for me, an innocent by-standard who watched from afar will go tell ten of my friends how awesome this coffee shop is and how they remained polite to a person who tried to discourage them in front of many.

Later that week, I went back to the coffee shop for my usual. The barista gal apologized for the outbreak that happened earlier in the week, we exchanged a few laughs. And she told me that the company the woman worked for, sent an apology letter to them for their employee’s actions. Since that woman was the one who picked up everyone’s coffee she represented them as a company. Let’s just say, there’s a new coffee girl and she is pretty friendly. I met her myself and thanked her for her kindness and bought her a coffee for it.

Cheers everyone.