My Revolution

Since August of 2009 my life has changed dramatically. The event that took place made me re think every aspect of my life and what I was here for. It made me think twice about my family, my self, my kids, my friends, and my job.

I felt like a spec floating in and out of time. Like there was no time for me but to float on by. Well I was tired of floating by and I was tired of taking in second best. So I decided to evaluate every piece of my life and I did just that in five months.

Five months was all I needed to myself to figure out who I was and what the difference was between what I needed and what I wanted. Five months sounds like a long time to figure out who you are but when three years of my life was taken away, five months was a perfect amount of time.

I found the steering wheel and brakes to my life and decided to take a ride and never look back. And I have.

My family, even as far away they may be were the ones to inspire me to move on and take control. The conversations and the tears we shared drew the scars on my heart away and left new meaning to my life. And again, they may be far away, but I've never had them closer to me like I do now.

My self, I worked on and worked on until I knew I was happy. Knowing I could support my self was something no one could take away from me. Loving my self made everything else easier. Only I can make the choice as others have only an influence on my life. I like to run in a pack that is unknown. In a pack that gets the cold shoulder, but one day that pack will grow and others will see it fit. Until then, if your looking for firewood, you can pull the sticks that are stuck up everyone else's assess.

My kids, have so much of me inside them that it becomes scary. I can't imagine them becoming as much of a rebel as I was. But at the same time, if they do I hope they will learn there lessons from it. Kids should never have to see their mommy's heartache, never see the little money they have. They should be blinded by the love and never have to worry. I do everything I can to make that happen. I appreciated my mother more after I felt the pain she felt with what took place.

My friends, most of them were not who I thought they were. Everyone with more than a handful of friends will never know who is truly their friend at the end. I realized that after my life changed. I lost touch with some, lost friendships with others. But the one who remains, I know she knows who she is, is truly my sole sister. She was there from the very beginning and I know will be there till the end. I do have a handful of friends that I truly love, and those few have remained in my life after such events with the same love they had for me before. Friendships should never change, but only the life around them.

My job, has only become greater. It's my life support and I have much gratitude for all it gives me.

The newest piece of my life that I know was made to fit, is the man I love. And you ask how I know...Well that's because when my heart and mind knew I was in love, it wasn't something I was unsure of. I questioned it, wrote about it and was able to describe it in such a way I shocked myself. An unquestionable love is not love at all. That type of love then becomes just another thing that you happen to do.
But this love is more than something, its a support my heart needs.

So cheers to the ones who left us, to the ones who knew us and to the ones who kept us.