I've been told that I moved to fast into relationships. Or that the men I've gotten serious with have falling in love with me too quickly. Also that I move in too fast with my boyfriends.
I love to get feedback from the people that are close to me and those who aren't because their opinions really do matter to me. But all the while, this makes me really think of what do they know that I don't?
I was married very quickly after my engagement and I agree with this. We moved in together after only 3 months. A mistake I made in which I learned from. At the end of the marriage he truly was not the guy for me regardless of how quickly things moved along. The next man, I waited a year and still I was told by all my friends that I moved to quickly. What is too quickly these days?! Should I wait 5 years, then maybe think about my feelings for this person? I mean why should there be a time stamp on this?
It frustrates me to hear people tell me I move to quickly when all the moves I've taken have been risks. Big ones. One's that I am glad happened because I've learned more about men and relationships at such a young age where 30 year old women are starting to understand all the things I've already experienced. I was married at 22. I've been a mother since 17. I've had 4 serious relationships and lived together in each of those. And I'm going to be 27 this year. I think people should reorder their comments/advise the next time they want to tell me I'm moving to fast. I think I grew up faster than my friends did. So really, they can't understand the decisions I make. They can only relate to an extent.
I've learned so much about myself and the things that I know I want in a man and the things I don't. I've learned about the things men need from a women and the things that they don't. Everyone comes to me for advise on their relationships even though I've been considered of moving too fast. I believe there is an order that should be followed, but never a time stamp.
If you like someone, and you're dating; meaning going out to public places together; should you wait 6 months before telling that person you really like him/her or is it natural for you to just say it when you feel it? If you felt that you love someone and there's been enough time that's passed that you won't scare that person away by saying it, do you just say it? Or do you wait a year because you don't want people telling you you're moving too fast? If you've been together a year and your strongest emotion you feel together is love, should you wait another 2 years before moving in together? Is moving in together after a year moving too fast? So you see how silly these time stamps are? I would enjoy meeting a couple that bases their emotions from a time line; 5 months together, say I love you; 1 year together,discuss moving in; 2 years, move in together; 3 years, hope to be engaged; 4 years be married; 1 year into marriage, schedule our sex; 2 years into marriage, get pregnant.....
I understand people have a plan. I have friends who are happy with their scheduled sex on Tuesday's and Friday's. But to label someone's love life as moving to fast is ridiculous. Every situation is different. But without the risk of taking any of it, you'll live in fear. You'll live in a box that becomes your safety zone, and maybe when you're 45 years old; you might decide to take a risk and meet someone. Then you know what will happen? You'll wonder why you didn't try it before.
It's like frozen yogurt. The majority of America eat ice cream. Ice cream is yummy and makes me fat but I can't stop eating it. It doesn't get me any where by always eating it....NOM NOM FREAKIN NOM! But then someone tells you about frozen yogurt and it makes your little brain ponder. You tell yourself you only know a few people that eat it but you're good with ice cream. Then you try that frozen yogurt and you realize that it is really good. Then you one day stop eating ice cream and stick to that frozen yogurt. Why haven't I been eating this all along? Because you're a dumb ass, that's why. No really.
If your friend asks you if they are moving too fast, give your honest advise. Otherwise you'll just be judging them. Friends shouldn't judge each other; they should just hold their index finger out with the straight up truth. Friends are each other's mirrors. They are there to help see the risks that are being taken, not to take the risks away from you. Then when a friend comes crying saying you were right, learn to comfort that person.
If you are MY friend, you should feel lucky. Because I will never lie to you. I would also tell you if your make-up looks bad even if it hurts your feelings. Because I am a real friend. You want to know if you look like shit today? You probably do if you're asking me; a true friend.
And I'm ending this with an LOL because I love myself.
8 comments:
I am so bad with this whole blogging thing.. lol.. but felt a strong urge to respond..
You are adorable.. and ever since we met, I knew you were real!! A strong AND loving woman with a head on her shoulders. I agree with you 100%.. as far as love and making your own decisions. Unfortuntely there is no guidebook to love or life in general.. and Im happy there isnt :) It should all be about the surprises and not knowing whats to come. Thats what makes life AND love so amazing. If your not taking risks and/or living each day by trusting yourself and your feelings, then "what the #@$% are you doing?"
Ive made so many drastic moves and taken many chances in my 29 years, and as crazy as my friends and family thought I was back then, everytime they see me now, they always tell me how strong I am.. that they cant believe all the things Ive done and how proud they are of me. So imagine if I would have let there passed judgements effect my decisions.. where would I be today?.. Probaby exactly where they were, judging someone just like me. One of the craziest decisions Ive made.. till this day.. led me to find the man I am engaged to marry next year :)
So what Im trying to get to with all this is.. follow your heart and your mind. Take one day at a time.. in the end, whether you feel it was the right OR wrong thing to do, will always grow from it. And be happy with the person its made you today.. I am :)
Love you and NEVER stop being you!!! xoxo
People schedule sex? I cant belive I read this whole thing.
People that say "too fast" or "too soon" irritate the fuck out of me.
At this very moment, I am reeling in pain from the loss of someone I love. She died suddenly from stomach cancer.
If you care to read about it;
azvern.posterous.com/who-i-lost-and-what-she-means-to-me-and-why-m
I don't ever consider time frames. If I feel it, I say it or do it.
My ex-wife moved in after 1 month. We lived together for 12 years before she left.
My ex-g/f and I moved in together after 4 months, and she left 3 months later.
I told my ex wife I loved her after 2 weeks. (granted, I'd already known her for 7 years) We had sex that same day.
I told my ex-g/f I loved her after 7 weeks or so. And she was itching to say it, but told me flat out she wasn't gonna say it first.
I was single for 3 years after my ex left, and STILL people told me I went too fast with my ex-g/f. But since I'm not the one that ended things, I don't really think any action I took could have made any difference.
There isn't any formula, and anyone who says "too soon" isn't speaking about my situation or yours, they're talking about their own insecurities and fears.
To the extent possible, I do not allow my fears to limit me. I go with what I feel.
I don't want to be at the end of my life, wishing I'd done this or that.
If you were to ever ask me if you think you're moving too fast, my response would likely be "If you feel it, do it".
Screw it. Do what feels right. I married my rebound. If its right it will fall into place. BTW. I will let u know if ur makeup is jacked, have a boogie, a trail of TP on ur shoe, or ass basket attached 2 u and so on. I think we r on the same page.
Thanks for the support guys! And gals!
True story! Glad I stopped in for a good read! You know me as being a rebel. I do what I want, when I want, how I want regardless of the judgement from others. I tried following the advise of others for a short period of time, it ended up reaking havoc on my emotions, because it was not at all how I felt I should/would be handling certain situations. Let Freedom Reign! =)
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