Sewn Shut

No one wants to hear the truth. It's too painful. No one wants to be lied to either. So what do you do? 

Keep your mouth shut. 

If you tell the truth, you are insulting someone. If you lie to them, you are being deceitful. 

So you just have to keep your mouth shut. 

You have to respect people's feelings regardless if they respect you. You have to fake the laughter because you have to to be respectful. You can't be sarcastic with others because they get offended.

Keep your mouth shut.

Your job is to take care of the kids and be a good wife. That's it. Those are your two jobs. You are not a person. You are an employee. Don't talk back.

Keep your mouth shut.

Your opinion isn't needed. People are too weak to hear your opinion. It doesn't matter. You are living your life wrong. You have to lie to people. 

Otherwise, keep your mouth shut. 

You are shameful. You can't understand because you have no filter. You can never just pretend to get along. Why? Why can't you pretend like I do?

If you can't, keep your mouth shut.

It's not about you. Stop sharing what is on your mind. You are on thin ice. You already know this. Thin ice. 

You are on the ice. 

You are on thin ice.

You are on thin ice.

You only have two jobs.

You only have two jobs.

You only have two jobs.

You have to lie to people. 

You have to lie to people. 

You have to lie to people.

You get everything you want in exchange to lie. To pretend. To fake it. 

Keep your mouth shut and everyone wins.

Moon, why can't i?

She lays there staring up at the moon,

Wishing she would get her wings,

To just touch the moon,

To see below at what the moon sees.

She feels the breeze,

She becomes cold,

Shivers up her spine,

Hiccups deep in her tummy.

As she lays staring at the moon,

Cold and alone,

She puts out her arm,

Pretending to grab the moon,

Pretending she's flying to it.

But she knows there isn't wings,

She knows she can't fly,

So she lays there,

Cold and alone.

Misery loves company

We've all heard the saying, "you may be the sweetest peach, but not everyone likes peaches,". I've heard a few people say this to me and every time I've heard it, it's sounds differently. I totally get the saying but the situation I was in at those times, made absolutely no sense on why a person would say that. There are mean girls, there are racists girls. I've finally accepted that in my life. I understand that some girls need to have that bit of drama I'm their life in order to feel like they are alive. I understand that other girls will judge you one day and ask to have coffee with you the next. My problem is that I am too forgiving, too trusting of others. I'm Christian, my job is to forgive and move forward. My job is to spread the word of our good Lord. But recently, rascim set in to a person I least expected it from, and it came with a bit of shock. 

We know that money is the root of all evil. I think social media has taken over that place and has become such a toxic wasteland for those who love to sunbathe in others misery. I just found out that a remake of Left Behind is being filmed, starring Nicholas Cage. I was pretty excited about that since there aren't too many Christian like movies out these days. So when I saw this on my friends Facebook page, I did what any passionate person would do; share it on my wall for others to see. However, my innocent post offended someone close to me and assumed that the post was about her. I do have the right to my opinion, my beliefs, my passion. As does everyone else, with their own opinions, beliefs and passions. It's not my job to judge. But my post what general. To everyone who wanted to read it. If you don't like what I say, unfriend me. I wouldn't be offended by it. 

However, this person decided to "get me back" by posting something ill and disgusting about me to the world and tagged all of the people we know, except for me. The person she was making the post about. Someone close to me, who has been in our home to celebrate birthdays and holidays. I didn't get a chance to see this post, however everyone else did. Including my brother. Of all the people to tag, my brother? It just has me wonder now, was she serious? Did she realize what she was doing? I'm not so sure what was going through her mind, but I knew what was going through mine. I take no joy in attempting to crush others beliefs. So apparently because I like to post about God and what I believe, that made me a whore. I'm not sure where those two fit next to each other. But she did and didn't hold back on how she felt. Her self confidence must be at a low level, I assume, for her to think that my post on Facebook along with the other 200 people on there, thought it was singling her out. My life is much too busy to play on Facebook and talk about her. 

I decided to forgive her. To acknowledge that my heart hurts and that I am saddened by her action. But I do forgive her. It's not my job to judge. I'm not her mother, no one is scolding her. God will judge her. My mother has always said that you can tell a lot about someone by their actions. Of course judgement tried to set in but I overcame it because it would bring me down to the same level she is. Everyone goes through struggles and some have more demons to fight off than others. All I can do is pray for her well being and hope one day she will be at peace and not want to say hurtful things. 

No ones life is perfect, but we have the choice to be happy or sad. Some chose misery because they receive comfort from others and feel that is going to be the only way to socialize. Some chose happiness because it lifts them, it makes others around them feel the same way. The happier you are the less circle of friends you have. It's not sad, it's joyful. It's better to relieve those who are toxic and just enjoy the friends and family who chose happiness. I always tell myself during hard times, if I want a better life I can make it happen. My husband and I both support each other and when one is wrong, we help each other understand why, not judge or criticize each other. It takes a team. Same with friends, support one another, because whatever you give into this world is what you get back. As most people call it, karma. 

I am stronger than what it may look like. I've been through more things in my life than one should before they are 30. I understand that people make mistakes, and I remember that sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt me. Well, this time these words hurt. They dug deep, but I have thick skin and in due time, all will be right and my mind can be at ease. I tell my kids everyday to make good choices, what kind of parent or person would I be by breaking that example, not a very good one. 

Food for thought - 

I WILL NOT CAUSE PAIN WITHOUT ALLOWING SOMETHING NEW TO BE BORN. SAYS THE LORD. 

ISAIAH 66:9 

The past, the present and the future…

Relationships are like drugs, some do them and others don’t. The ones who do, sometimes do wrong and the ones that don’t, tend to learn from the ones who do wrong. It’s a vicious cycle.

I’ve been in good, great, bad, confusing relationships that I have dubbed myself an expert. For those that know me personally, know that I may be 29 but my sole is really 55. I have been there done that starting at a very young.

In my years of being a young mother, a wife and so many other things, I have finally learned why my past relationships did not work out. And, why I didn’t like who I was when I was in them.

The biggest lesson of all was learned but not mastered from my first marriage. We married not for love but for lust. We divorced because the lust ran out. I was completely blinded in this marriage that I had no idea that I was just there because I just was. My mind was completely empty that I couldn’t even add up the facts and realize that the marriage was crumbling. When it did, it hit me. I cried, I was angry, I was happy and then excited. Very weird emotions and yet, my life wasn’t crumbling, just the marriage. I wasn’t going to be one of those women who hide from the world and make drastic changes to cope over the divorce. Instead I just moved forward and that was that.

My lesson learned wasn’t presented until I met my new boyfriend. The one I leaned on after my divorce. I was never a “go-with-the-flow” kind of girl. But in this new relationship I did. I flowed a lot and everywhere with new friends and experiences. I was more caring, open to PDA (which I never was before) and allowed myself to enjoy the alone time when he was out with his friends. It was a new me, and I wasn’t exactly sure if I was being real or fake. But the more he went out with his friends, the more I didn’t like being left out. I felt jealous and I felt like maybe it was my entire fault that he wanted to be out with them. After a while, I finally started communicating it to him. He would be concerned and was willing to compromise. Things I was not used to but appreciating his communication. Another new thing for me was that he was always on his phone. Mostly for work, and so I learned to ignore that. I didn’t focus so much on what he wasn’t doing but just kept my eye on what he was. This was all the good stuff.

When I did start paying attention to more of the gray, I became one of those girlfriends that wanted to know more but without him telling me. So I would investigate, in women’s terms. I didn’t like what I found, it wasn’t bad but it didn’t make me want this anymore. Shortly after that he ended the relationship. I didn’t help much after by posting a vagina rant on my blog and later took it down but didn’t really want to. He was angry and shook me after he read it. He was so mad. I was satisfied in an evil way. That’s when I knew, that’s when everything made more sense. In my marriage I was just drifting along. In this relationship, I became careless and jealous.

My lessons learned; if a man wants to be with you he will. If you have to investigate his social media, the relationship is already over. If you have to check his phone, you have not learned how to trust. If you punish him for things that happened in your last relationship, you don’t deserve him. If guy’s night is too much for you to say yes to, the rest of your relationship will grow tension and then explode in your face. If you become jealous, question yourself not him. When he wants to know what’s wrong, you tell him. If he never asks, find out why. Being in love is not the same as loving him; I’m loving towards my parents. I’m in love with chocolate. Let your man be chocolate. Not your parents. If you question his actions after he has apologized a million times, look in the mirror and question your actions. You don’t dislike his friends; you just aren’t interested in their gossip and hobbies. Don’t hide this, tell him. If he loves you, he will support you. If you can’t go anywhere without him, you are losing your identities. The master of it all – if you hate that he leaves his socks everywhere and that continues to be your argument through your engagement; it will be the argument through your marriage and the reason for your divorce. Unless, you learn how to pick your battles. If you can’t get over the socks on the floor, you will never see the bigger picture.

My list of lessons go on. I admit, I am still learning and molding myself on the little things that I know I will always need to work on. But I’ve figured most of it out and I am happy that it only took me 10 years to come to this conclusion. But now I feel like it’s a curse because of what I see in other relationships around me. I see the ones whose love is truly genuine and the others who struggle to hide their demons.

I’ve given advice to those who asked, but I will never just give my opinion regarding your relationship. And even though I think it, it’s not my right to say it. I know my limitations.

All of this goes to the men out there as well, it’s a two way street. You want a queen, don’t treat us like peasant. And women, if you want a king, don’t treat him like slave.

Until next time.

Bandage Dresses and Why You are Boring

It’s true, I am brutally honest. People say there is a fine line between being honest and being rude. I say it depends on who you are talking to. Maybe 40% of the people I know I could never be honest with because their expectations for reality are really low. So if I do ever so share my honest opinion I am usually shunned. But more in like a secret way, that everyone else knows but me. That’s what I call fake but that’s another blog topic. Continuing on!

Everyone else will ask me to be honest with them and I am. I will wipe the glare from your eyes and show you the truth. The friends I do have left appreciate my honesty and value my opinion. You want to know if you look fat in those jeans, yes. You want to know if your bra is giving you back fat, yes. You want to know if you look alright tonight, no. In the great debate of Herve Leger bandage dresses, do I agree that they are out of style, yes. Does that stop women from wearing them, no. But someone women just like to look tacky when they go out.

Recently, I was in conversation with someone who went out over the weekend and saw a group of girls in their late twenties/early thirties... ALL wearing bandage dresses. These girls are old enough to know when these dresses became a huge “no” in the fashion world. The only time they are a yes is when you have paired them with another piece of clothing and major accessories. Worn alone, boring. You are a boring person. I am sure the women who wear these dresses still, most likely wear the same hairstyle over and over again. Boring.

Seriously, go back and look at your friends Vegas pics and you will see all the girls in the club wearing these dresses. Where has the creativity gone! Why can’t you just let this style die!

I’ve owned 2 of these dress and maybe only wore them a couple times when they were in style. There was nothing exciting about them. They were easy, simple and very little thought ever went into planning that outfit. No fun. Don’t be that girl that shows up to the club and all your friends are in the same style dress. Lame-O was his name-O.

Oh and for the women who need reminders for the goods they carry; if you have a big ass and you just want to show it off, the bandage dress is probably perfect for you, while dancing in a rap video licking sugar sticks from ones hand. But if you have a fat ass, we already know about it, we know that ass is fat. Same goes for tiggo bitties. We already know your shit is huge. What if the roles were reversed and we saw men wanting to show off their goods? I am not ready to see men wondering around with really tight pants showing their bulge. Ew (Jimmy Fallon/Sara voice from Ew show). I mean there are men who already do that, but we all usually think ew already.

If you can't handle the truth then don't ask me.

The claws, the stare and the retards

Judge Judy said "beauty fades, dumb is forever".

How fucking true is this shit right here! Wake up bitches! What's it going to take for you to crawl out of your Mac wearing, spider lash having ass and realize that the sun does not rise and set on your bootAY!

Girls are so quick to open up their mouth to a problem that isn't even theirs. So quick to judge others by what they hear. So quick to assume what's best for the person who IS having the problem. Guess what tramp?! Shit is not your biznazz! 

That's when I'm like, claws out ho. Claws are fucking out. Don't get it twisted when you see a butterfly turn into a fire breathing dragon. Exactly.

It's a selfish feeling when that scorned look, the stare is given. Yup, she knows how shit just got real. Oh, you want to take it all back now? Too bad, this girl doesn't give charity to those who wear the grin of sin. Mama taught me better than that. 

The ones who sit back and soak in all the bullshit, all the lies, all the rumors and gossip are nothing else but retarded. A special kind, it takes a lot of insecurity to turn into that type of person.

Seriously, women have no respect for themselves anymore. Have we lost all control? Yes, once a frizz ball meets a polished ball and the frizz suddenly thinks that the polish is a brat or bitch. Apparently it's that easy. 

This is just a summary of what I constantly see all year round. The holidays are approaching and I can guarantee drama is lurking. I'll be here to write about it. What kind of person would I be if I didn't. 

They always say, if you had a great life you wouldn't have time to pay attention to other peoples lives. However, when one comes across road kill you can't help but gasp at the sight. 

Alright, alright! I'm done with my rant. Back to classy Val.

"You said it. You were thinking it!" Know what movie this is from? Wrong! Lol, kidding.

To conclude this post, don't forget ladies -> mascara goes a long ways! But don't be a whore about it.

Coffee

It’s early and everyone is rushing to grab their coffee to go and a quick breakfast. The baristas are receiving large requests along with ridiculous instructions of how the latte should be made.

There are about three people in front of me, and suddenly I hear this women giving the barista this complicated order and when the barista offered to repeat the order the women says ‘’a professional would never repeat the order, be sure it’s right”. Wow. There are real people out there like this? The barista called out her order, and guess what… There was too much soy milk in the one order that called for light soy milk. The women began to yell and become angry. She pointed to all of the customer’s waiting and said that they are lucky to have us in order for them to stay in business. She continued with her rant and advised all the workers behind the counter to just quit their jobs and go work at Burger King. The manager, wherever he was, finally came out and asked her to leave as she was disrupting a peaceful place where people come to relax.

The women purposely threw the drinks on the floor and dashed out. The building’s walls are all windows so you can see her stomping around as she began to dial up her phone. A few customer’s rush outside and ask her to stop swearing as there were small children around but she paid no attention to them. The security guards for the mall area came by to try and diffuse her anger but she belittled them and called them terrible names. A police officer was called as she was disrupting the peace, and whatever he said to her made her leave.

This woman looked like she just stepped out of a fashion show. She was in her late 30’s early 40’s, cashmere red lipstick, heavy eye make-up. Her perfume was horrid. She also looked like she is extremely high in stress. I try not to judge. But I do pay attention and while we were all in line before the mess happened, I adored her outfit, her make-up. But as soon as she opened her mouth, a monster was unleashed.

I know people have dark stories that affected them as a person. I know a lot of people who could have became nasty because of what’s happened to them. But there is a level of mutual respect that we, as a human race must accept. The person in from of you or behind you in line has no idea who you are. As you do not know them. You have no right to unleash your demons on them. You do not have the right to belittle someone because you feel satisfaction from that twisted action.

Respect is key in every day to day activity. You are an adult. You control your actions. You are where you are today because of what you have done. Everyone has bad days, but we can’t spoon feed you and wipe your ass every time shit hits the fan.

I commend the baristas at this coffee shop for remaining professional and understanding that they have a business to run, not a daycare. They say that when you have a bad experience somewhere you go and tell ten of your friends. But for me, an innocent by-standard who watched from afar will go tell ten of my friends how awesome this coffee shop is and how they remained polite to a person who tried to discourage them in front of many.

Later that week, I went back to the coffee shop for my usual. The barista gal apologized for the outbreak that happened earlier in the week, we exchanged a few laughs. And she told me that the company the woman worked for, sent an apology letter to them for their employee’s actions. Since that woman was the one who picked up everyone’s coffee she represented them as a company. Let’s just say, there’s a new coffee girl and she is pretty friendly. I met her myself and thanked her for her kindness and bought her a coffee for it.

Cheers everyone.

The Real You

Our faces, our bodies are the shields to curiosity,
The shield to those outside our bubbles,
And the unknown.

So we hide,
Behind our fashion,
Behind our career,
Behind our anger.

But over time,
Through those tears,
Will shine a better you, a better life.

Imagine your face is made from clay,
And as those tears trickle down,
It slowly erases that mask.

What appears, is you. Me.
A smile, bright eyes,
And glowing skin.

The real you.

Then slowly your arms,
They will begin to embrace change,
And learn to pat yourself on the back.

Later will comes your legs,
While they've been stuck,
You've had enough time to realize how to
Set yourself free.

And once that realization has come about,
It will be the most beautiful thing,
You will be able to smile about.

The real you will want to thank you later.

Technically Speaking...

For the first time in my life, someone accused me of being fake. I wasn’t sure how to react, since this person is someone who was commenting on the same status update from someone I know (you know, those heated FB conversations). Technically, a person who is on my FB that I have met once but know his life through social media. Well if anyone ever called me that, it was never to my knowledge.

But I just wanted to remind you people how fake I am. I think this person knows me way to well and I have to say they were right on point! Shall we begin? Lets!

I’m fake because I’m not really 28. I’m really 28 years, 11 months and 3 weeks old.

I should be ashamed of myself.

I’m fake because I wasn’t born with ombre hair. I was born with brown hair. I don’t know what to say.

I’m fake because I told someone they deserved to be happy. This one is definitely going way too far. I will watch my words next time, mommy.

I’m fake because I commented on a status to show some support. I think I should be spanked for this, yup.

I’m fake because I have no great come backs. Just silly words like, ‘you have ugly bangs’ and ‘you’re annoying’. LOL super disappointed.

I’m fake because I don’t know how to get violent on FB.

I’m fake because I don’t hang out with every single one of my FB friends. I know…

I’m fake because I have a full time job, 2 kids in school, a fiancé and my parents and brother. I should know better!

I’m fake because I can’t make time to see my own friends plus the ones on FB that have no idea of my private life. But apparently we should be friends and bowl and shit.

I’m fake because I have a best friend. What nerve do I have to have a best friend! Sheesh.

I’m fake because I love God. I love him so much that I sometimes put his name on FB. What world are we living in! I know! I should be banned from Earth for saying God.

Oh, I almost forgot. I am SO FAKE, because I wasn’t there to physically be there for someone when they were having a rough time. I mean, that is how all this fake-ness started.

It definitly goes to show how shallow people are. This was my first Fb fist fight, I definitly lost because I had nothing else to say to ugly bangs, but oh well. I like to chose my batttles. Like fighting for chocolate cupcakes over vanilla.

Thank you for reading everyone! I am so glad you all know how fake I am!

Life goes on with or without your shoes

Everyone has the right to satisfaction. To peace. To believe in something.

We grow up with the lessons we learned from teachers, parents, friends and enemies. It's our job to make something of it. If you're happy it's because you want to be. Same with being miserable or unhappy. Granted there are those that need further help, but kudos to those who can admit and seek the help they need.

Most of us have been down a dark road enough times to know what we shouldn't take for granted and what we can live without.

I feel in my heart that a simple smile at a stranger, a quick hello to your neighbor or striking up a conversation with someone who always tries to make small talk can make a difference. The small things are usually the best. Baby steps towards a better feeling you never hurt anyone.

There are going to be people out there that feed on the weak, the saddened, the fearful and the loners. Those people get their satisfaction from that. It's sad. But who am I to judge? I don't know what's happened to them, I don't know if they were ever loved enough. But what I do know, that experiencing negativity in my own life never got me anywhere. It never improved my confidence nor did it ever help me with relationships. Only until I realized, I needed to get my act together first before putting on a show.

Positive energy will bring good things. Life will put you through tests (I personally believe God is responsible for that) but life really isn't meant to be easy peasy. But you have to put that into action, if you don't believe you can turn things around; you have to know that it will be a hard life. It will be a struggle.

My hearts been broken so many times, I could of cried all day, became depressed or killed myself. But what good would all that do? My kids have been away from me for long periods of time, I could of been a bitch or complain to everyone. But would that make me a better mom? No. I lost friends over stupid things, did I try and fix things? Yes. Is there only so much you can do? Damn right!

I'm 28 years old, I've lived a life enough to be 58. I know. It's sad. But not to me. I have embraced my mistakes, my failures and learned to adjust and resolve. Do I still get annoyed and upset, duh! I'm not perfect! Just my shoes...

But what I mean people, is that you need to get off that couch! Out of your house! And get some fresh air! People! People! We need your money! Oops, sorry! Got all Little Rascals on you!

Honestly, it's 2013 and we are making the same mistakes! Haven't we as a society learned enough to know! I mean, we go to school, we go to college, you stay single or get married you have kids. They do the same. All the same emotions are there. Except now they try and convince us that a little medicine will help make us better... Man, I could go on but I'm tired. I also hate typing on an iPad.

Tonight, someone asked me to "go fuck yourself", I took that as an opportunity for entertainment. I'm bad at come backs and arguing. I just am. The best I got was trying to wish someone a flat tire. Lame, right! But boy, this person seriously loved to dispute. Who am I to stop her. She also referred I was new to the Internet. I didn't correct her though because my life is consumed by reality. So sometimes I am new to the Internet ;) I mean I have only been blogging since 2009. What do I know.

Alright chicks and dicks, I'm signing off and wishing everyone a safe weekend!

Peace!

A Life Worth Fighting For

This morning I read a terrible post on Facebook by my younger brother. He mentioned he had the worst day and that he was called "fag" several times at work by customers. The first emotion that hit me was anger, then sadness. I think its natural to want to be there and defend someone you love when they are in those types if situations. And when you can't, it hurts.

If you know me and my family well, you know my younger brother is gay; my parents are very religious and that we all love each other. When my brother told us he was gay, it was a surprise but wasn't at the same time. We accepted him, there wasn't a question or doubt. We love him, our Lord gave us this person; he brought him into our lives.

Its so true when you hear the phrase "born this way". This is the solid reason any homosexual person can give you. As children no one kneels by there bedside and prays to be a homosexual. No one prays to be made this way, you are just born that way. You are. Its in your blood, bones and soul. No one chooses to be this way. And the way people, the world react is just appalling to me. The world is so focused on gay marriage and how they can raise children. Have we lost all sight?

What do we call all the bad mothers, fathers, sex traffickers, molesters, kidnappers, murderers out there? They weren't born that way, they chose to be that way. They allowed themselves to be taken by the dark side, and they had a choice. I know there are mentally ill people out there that commit terrible crimes, but that is not the group I am talking about. I am talking about the women who know they shouldn't have children and do. The men who chose to get a women pregnant and know they will not stick around. The groups out there that think its okay to enslave a child into sex trafficking. A person who feels touching a child in sexual ways is okay. A person who kidnaps someone to remove them from society and think there is no wrong in that. The people who don't have the right to end someone's life. What about those people? WHY ARE WE NOT FOCUSING ON THESE PEOPLE?????? WHY ARE WE FOCUSING ON GAY MEN AND WOMEN WHO WANT TO LIVE PEACEFUL LIFE'S????

Sure those people make headlines, sure you talk about it amongst your peers. But then the topic fades until the next terrible thing happens. But giving gay men and women any rights is milk in everyone's coffee. I can't remember the last time I read, heard or saw something in the news about a soulless act committed by a gay person. I just can't. Can you? Oh wait, yes I can. I remember it was only a few months ago that gay men and women wanted to marry because they loved each other and wanted to dedicate their lives to one another and it did make headline news. In fact, people were so outraged that they started rioting... I guess loving someone, really is a crime.

I don't give a fuck who you are, I don't care where you came from, I don't care what race you are - but if you think you have been giving a life that only our Lord leads to be able to call ANYONE ANY kind of hurtful name; you truly have been giving a life that only the devil leads.

You are given one life, one heart, one soul. After that, your actions will guide you to where you belong once you've passed.

Remember that the gay man and women who live amongst us are symbols of love and peace. And to that, this is all they seek.

Our race is so corrupted that the real focus has been jaded and the real problems are becoming okay in our society. I am a daughter, a mother, a friend, a sister and this is what I see through my eyes. My own opinion. My own words.

Life will never makes sense, don't kill yourself trying to make sense of it.

A prayer for those who were born the way you are:

DEAR LORD,
I PRAY FOR STRENGTH,
AS OTHERS ARE AGAINST ME.
DIFFERENT I AM,
AS OTHERS CAUSE PAIN.
I AM GAY,
MY BELIEFS IN YOU,
WILL NEVER STRAY.
I PRAY FOR OUR WORLD,
AS OTHERS ARE AGAINST YOU.
DIFFERENT YOU ARE NOT,
AS OTHERS SEEM TO BE.
I AM GAY,
MY BELIEFS IN YOU,
WILL NEVER STRAY.

Serendipity

My boyfriend Fred is a very extravagant man, he is very interested in luxory and will pull all the stops for any special moment. He loves to travel and I have found myself by his side every time. He is truly a man of his word and will do anything to make my dreams come true. Literally. Every comment that I mentioned the phrase 'my dream is too..." and pretty much come true. I wanted to see NYC, Paris and guess what - he made it all happen. I am extremely lucky.

So here is how he began to plan this surprise trip that had surprises along the way.

Surprise #1 Fred and I are sitting on our couch watching the tree lighting in Rockefeller center and I begin to look up the weather for New Orleans to see how heavy of a jacket I will need. Fred asks me to look up the weather for NYC and I say to him, who cares we are not traveling there. WELL, his response, you should care we are going next week! At this point I am speechless and I give him this look of excitement and confusion, hahaha! He starts to explain why we are going and its going to be my Christmas present that will include a shopping spree :).

Surprise #2 One week later, the night before our flight to NYC - Fred asks me if his blue jeans are okay to wear on the flight and I said of course they are silly! He says, well they are not good enough for first class! I pretty much almost shit my pants! I am jumping around and shouting with excitement and jumping on him asking if he is joking, haha! He wasn't joking and we flew first class which was so great because I s felt like a princess.

Surprise #3 We have a driver picking us up from the airport, and I notice that we are driving into lower Manhattan. We pull up to the Trump Soho!!! I am not convinced this is our hotel but then we walk in and check in and then we are standing in our amazing room. I was ashamed to think we would stay any where knowing how Fred does things :).

Surprise #4 The next morning we wake up, head out to the Cupping Room Cafe to grab some grub before heading out to 5th avenue. Breakfast was great and we heading out, we went to tons of different stores, got some good things and headed back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. So obviously I needed like an hour to get dressed, Fred tells me he doesn't feel good so he takes a nap. Once he is up and ready he heads down stairs to make sure our car is here. I am thinking, why does he need to go downstairs, why can't he call? I didn't have time to ask questions, I was concerned with my stupid false eye lashes and wondering why it wasn't staying on, grrr! SO I toss that shit and hear Fred come up like 15 minutes later. I said, why were you down there so long, apparently there was traffic and other shit going on. Finally we head down stairs and Fred said a white car is picking us up and I don't see a white car. We keep walking and we come up to a Chrysler 300 black limo and the driver decides to say, Hi Fred! They shake hands, I am like WTF and he opens the door and says he is ready to go. I ask Fred, is this for us?? As I am giggling because all this is so amazing I can't believe it was real.

Surprise #5 We are heading out to Rockefeller center to check out the tree. The streets are blocked, our driver can't get through so he drops us off and we walk a few blocks. We make a quick turn and there is the tree! Full of magic and life and just being able to be there with my love and watch everyone around us was awesome. He starts to mumble sweet things as to how he is going to start doing things from now. We make this joke of how he really does do so much and then says, 'but I haven't done anything yet' and so I was really happy to hear him say that for himself lol :). Then he begins to ask me what today was, I responded with the normal answer and said it was Saturday. He says, no, what's the date. I say its December 8th, I am thinking I missed something because he never asks me things like this in this type of setting. Then he says, 'yes today is December 8th, many many years ago my grandfather got down on his knee and asked my grandmother to marry him and I would like to do the same and ask you to make me the luckiest man', he got on one knee and asked if I would marry him. And of course I said YES! Omg it was amazing, a beautiful feeling, nothing that I was ever capable of feeling before. Thousands of people cheered and clapped for us, it really was magically. He then introduces to me Conrad, his buddy ol pal who has been following us and snapping pictures of the entire thing! AWESOME! Conrad you are the best! Oh and another thing, Fred bought a new camera and shipped it to Conrad to use for this moment and we got to take it home with us!

Surprise #6 We venture on to find our driver and his elegant limo, we head out to dinner, but first we make a pit stop to (drum roll please) Georgetown Cupcakes!!!!! Oh tthe cupcakes were yummy! Okay so then we proceeded to dinner and as we pull up, Fred tells me how famous this place is because the owner is a chef on the cooking channel. Lidia Bastianich is the owners of Becco - FYI. We go inside to let the hostes know we are her and she says 'oh, you're party is waiting outside'. I'm like what! Who is here! Well, Fred's family drove in from Jersey to spend this day with us! I was way too excited to see everyone! The his mom walks out (she lives in AZ) - he flew her out here AND THEN my brother strolls out and I lost it. I cried like a baby, I couldn't believe my brother was there and that Fred has planned this for so long. It was his dream to visit NYC, so there were 2 dreams in the making.

I am truly and excited, blessed, happy, grateful women. I have the 2 funniest kids and a true man who is not only the peace I feel in my heart but the joy I feel through out the day. There are lots of men out there that can make you happy and say all the right things. But there isn't many who can contribute to the joy and peace in your life.

Everything I have been through, everyone one I have known has brought me to this moment and us together. Thank you to everyone who was a part of it to make that day so spectacular!

Hugs!

Then and Now

It takes years of emotions,
hurtful words,
lakes of tears,
to understand how to let go.
It takes blind eyes,
a numb heart,
no mirror's,
to be able to stick around.
It takes high walls,
pounds of doubt,
fear in your blood,
to think love isn't really out there.
It takes a stranger's conversation,
the cold hard truth,
understanding,
to be able to know it only gets better.
It takes the right one,
a handful of right choices,
a kiss that changes your life,
to know everything happened for a reason.

MARS

I'm learning, at the age of 27, that men really are from Mars. I've learned a few things that raise questions, that make my nose crinkle. As much as men are from Mars, I still have good reason to do and say the things I do.

I'm tempted to go to an old peoples home and question the little old men about the true reasons men spark a circuit when it comes to relationships. But that would require conversation and the only person I want to have a conversation with isn't around.

During a break, that the man chose to take, he tells you to take care of yourself; he tells you live your life like normal...

This doesn't sit too well with me. Why? Well, after years of very serious relationships and lots of doubt about men I know I found a man who gives me something I never had before and I feel incredible when I'm with him.

But did you read what I said? We are on a break. Is this an incredible man? Absolutely. I must stay away from this wonderful man. I cannot text him 'i love you' whenever I want. Most definitely no naughty action. You can only imagine. Can you say nails on a chalkboard? Yes. I can say and did say that.

My body is deprived. As he says to be happy on my own because we have to be happy with ourselves before we can make others happy. Well....I'm happy. I'm allowed to have emotions towards this. Even when I cry, I'm happy still. Men forget we are women. An emotional species. Specially me. Throw sticks and stones, I'm crying so hard the boogers are running so fast they're getting into my mouth. Yeah, I know.

That is gross.

A big part of my happiness was him. I really like the person I am when I'm with him. Cloud 9 does exist people. I'm IN love. What does that mean? That means everything I see in the future includes him. No doubt. Not the band, the emotion. Oh, good you got that.

I refuse to not think of him. Its impossible. What's he doing? Maybe we ate the same thing today. Did he visit Dunkin Donuts (I was not paid to say this)? Are all the notes in his house that I left still there? This isn't half of what my mind goes through. I feel sorry for it. It just thinks about him all day. I mean some of us have lives to live and my mind is just fucking moping and won't snap out of it. I'm forced to drink a large icee from Target, Raspberry Blueberry flavor, to give it a brain freeze. Sheesh!

You know, well maybe you don't, but I also lost my appetite. Just flew out the window. And TRUST me, I can put down some food. I'm a chub in disguise. Its been 6 looooooooong days since I've seen him. Food isn't bringing him home any time soon. I should just hook an IV to my body with liquid food and carry it around. Other women will understand this.

The thing that men do not understand, is that we want our men around. We get sad when you don't want to see us. You say what? Memories? Yeah, there are a ton of those, which makes this not easy at all. And I am sure you men don't get as dramatic as we do, well out loud that is, but I do know you think about us. I still don't know what the hell that means but okay!

I'm happy with or without you. I'm the happiest when I am with you. Jumping for joy and shit. Boys do that to us.

We jump in our closets when you're not looking...

We smile like a 5 year old after he's ate ice cream and has a chocolate ring around his mouth. We do this when you grab our hand.

We get butterflies every single time we meet up.

We wake up in the middle of the night to watch you sleep with your mouth open and drool busting out. We give you kisses on the forehead.

We are girls. We're mushy, romantic, know what we have when we have it.

So I'll wait as long as I can. All things must come to an end eventually. At this point the only this I want to end is this break. BAM!

Men will always be from Mars, and Women will be from Venus, well when we choose too. Haha (its my blog I can say anything I want)!

Let's huddle, break and move to the next play. I MISS YOU!

Longest Siesta of my Life!

After three long days, I finally stopped crying. I also lost four pounds. Finally fit into that mini vest, no problem! Hooray!

The first night I went to the bar and really played a roll. The drunk girl who became entertaining to all around. Then went home, looked around and decided the only thing that would put me to sleep was John Mayer, but instead he made me cry then I fell asleep.

The second night, I watched a movie I shouldn't of then drank a bottle of wine....alone. I had no problem sleeping. Dinner last night was four small brownies. Well I ate them at lunch time and stayed full the whole day LOL.

The third night, I finally hear we are on a break. Now I am just in denial. Not really, just a little sad.

I'm standing back in the rain.

"Journeys end in lovers meeting."

People who find out they really never loved each other, or know the're love isn't the kind to last, stay together for years. And those who are madly, crazy in love only share a short time together; and then they spend more time trying to move on and convincing themselves it would have never worked.

In one of my favorite movies, someone says, "I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other."

And when I heard this, I immediately thought I know someday I will have the kind of person who wants to love me as much as I want to love them.

I found this person. I truly did. I know I will feel this way about him no matter what.

Love Turns Wise Women Into Fools

Your eyes are the color of her coffee in the morning,
who needs a cup when she can just stare at you and get the same result?
Your hands are like her covers at night,
so she threw her's away.
Your laugh is enough to make her laugh,
so she stopped tripping people.
Your words are so fulfilling to her,
She doesn't need to read books anymore.
Your kiss is so exhilarating,
She said goodbye to fantasising,
Your hugs make her feel like she's melting into a down comforter,
I guess you know where she'll be sleeping.
Your knowledge is so powerful,
now she believe's in magic.
Your lips are a natural lip balm,
Chapstick won't be making money off her anymore.
You're so beautiful its amazing,
she'd prefer to watch you rise than the sun.
Sleeping next to you is like watching art,
she thinks you're the best still art she's ever seen.
After she met you, she read a quote that changed her way of thinking: "I've looked around enough to know that you're the one I want to go through time with you."

Valeria Linegar has check in at I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHERE YOU ARE EVERY HOUR

*This entire post is meant to be read in Billy Mays' voice*

Hello readers and thank you for tuning in on this B.S. post today about checking in on FB/Twitter.

Have you felt that no one cares about you lately? Are you drinking something? Going to happy hour? Do you have a cold? WELL! I have something for you that will keep everyone in the loop about your life. Check in! That's right, Bobby; you can now check in on Facebook and Twitter!

Tell everyone that you are leaving your house to meet up with two friends! That's right! Not just by yourself, but you can tag two friends! You can tell everyone where you are at all times. You can tell everyone that you are at the airport with five thousand other people. Wow, that is great. You can also tell people you are at your moms house eating the beans and rice she made you! YUM! We are all jealous.

Got a cold? Check in! Tell everyone you are at urgent care. You most likely will up your comment count by doing this one. FANTASTIC! Feel better!

Grocery shopping? Check that baby in! Maybe other grocery shopping friends in that area can join you in the boring search for food!

Just got home? Check in! Tell everyone you are about to go to bed! Man, why wouldn't anyone want to know this? Puzzles me Bobby, I would love to tell everyone I am home and going to bed.

Hot date? Heat things up by, checking in!! Keep your friends updated on the cafes and bars you check into while you're on your date. Pointless? I know!

Another great one, vacation check ins! Yeah! Tell your three hundred friends you won't be home for a week incase anyone wanted to rob your house. Maybe a friend really liked that flat screen last time they were over and you refused to sell it to them. Man, what a deal!

But wait! There's more!

Check in everyday and annoy all your friends! So that next time you see your friends, there isn't anything to talk about because they've seen all your check ins. Got to love those dry conversations!

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Life As She Knows It

No one had yet to find the greatness through her heart,
some have only seen what she has through moments,
through words from her mouth.
She has yet become a muse for someones heart,
for love,
for comfort.
No one has truly searched for her love,
for her tears of joy,
but have only seen the love she has to give.
Chances have passed to swim in her laughter,
to feel the life through her eyes.
She's not in plain sight,
but in a crowd that's worth the search,
that's worth steps to take to become closer.
As chances before became numb,
became distant,
those chances aged and crumbled.
For then she knew she may never become a muse,
a lover.
For no one searched deep enough in the crowd,
She faded and became shaped into society,
losing her color,
losing her aura.
Some have only known the grays of her life,
as others don't like to paint with black and white.
She's sewn her heart in her hands,
with no needle to undo,
she takes in the pain that chases her.
As someday the sun will shine,
the rays will sway her color so much,
that it will catch an eye,
an eye of a one in search of a muse.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall....

I've been told that I moved to fast into relationships. Or that the men I've gotten serious with have falling in love with me too quickly. Also that I move in too fast with my boyfriends.

I love to get feedback from the people that are close to me and those who aren't because their opinions really do matter to me. But all the while, this makes me really think of what do they know that I don't?

I was married very quickly after my engagement and I agree with this. We moved in together after only 3 months. A mistake I made in which I learned from. At the end of the marriage he truly was not the guy for me regardless of how quickly things moved along. The next man, I waited a year and still I was told by all my friends that I moved to quickly. What is too quickly these days?! Should I wait 5 years, then maybe think about my feelings for this person? I mean why should there be a time stamp on this?

It frustrates me to hear people tell me I move to quickly when all the moves I've taken have been risks. Big ones. One's that I am glad happened because I've learned more about men and relationships at such a young age where 30 year old women are starting to understand all the things I've already experienced. I was married at 22. I've been a mother since 17. I've had 4 serious relationships and lived together in each of those. And I'm going to be 27 this year. I think people should reorder their comments/advise the next time they want to tell me I'm moving to fast. I think I grew up faster than my friends did. So really, they can't understand the decisions I make. They can only relate to an extent.

I've learned so much about myself and the things that I know I want in a man and the things I don't. I've learned about the things men need from a women and the things that they don't. Everyone comes to me for advise on their relationships even though I've been considered of moving too fast. I believe there is an order that should be followed, but never a time stamp.

If you like someone, and you're dating; meaning going out to public places together; should you wait 6 months before telling that person you really like him/her or is it natural for you to just say it when you feel it? If you felt that you love someone and there's been enough time that's passed that you won't scare that person away by saying it, do you just say it? Or do you wait a year because you don't want people telling you you're moving too fast? If you've been together a year and your strongest emotion you feel together is love, should you wait another 2 years before moving in together? Is moving in together after a year moving too fast? So you see how silly these time stamps are? I would enjoy meeting a couple that bases their emotions from a time line; 5 months together, say I love you; 1 year together,discuss moving in; 2 years, move in together; 3 years, hope to be engaged; 4 years be married; 1 year into marriage, schedule our sex; 2 years into marriage, get pregnant.....

I understand people have a plan. I have friends who are happy with their scheduled sex on Tuesday's and Friday's. But to label someone's love life as moving to fast is ridiculous. Every situation is different. But without the risk of taking any of it, you'll live in fear. You'll live in a box that becomes your safety zone, and maybe when you're 45 years old; you might decide to take a risk and meet someone. Then you know what will happen? You'll wonder why you didn't try it before.

It's like frozen yogurt. The majority of America eat ice cream. Ice cream is yummy and makes me fat but I can't stop eating it. It doesn't get me any where by always eating it....NOM NOM FREAKIN NOM! But then someone tells you about frozen yogurt and it makes your little brain ponder. You tell yourself you only know a few people that eat it but you're good with ice cream. Then you try that frozen yogurt and you realize that it is really good. Then you one day stop eating ice cream and stick to that frozen yogurt. Why haven't I been eating this all along? Because you're a dumb ass, that's why. No really.

If your friend asks you if they are moving too fast, give your honest advise. Otherwise you'll just be judging them. Friends shouldn't judge each other; they should just hold their index finger out with the straight up truth. Friends are each other's mirrors. They are there to help see the risks that are being taken, not to take the risks away from you. Then when a friend comes crying saying you were right, learn to comfort that person.

If you are MY friend, you should feel lucky. Because I will never lie to you. I would also tell you if your make-up looks bad even if it hurts your feelings. Because I am a real friend. You want to know if you look like shit today? You probably do if you're asking me; a true friend.

And I'm ending this with an LOL because I love myself.