A DVD Shouldn’t Be So Complicated

You finally found the DVD you have been looking for everywhere; you’re so excited and you can’t wait to get home and pop it in while munching down on a big ass bucket of popcorn you know damn well your fat ass should not be eating.

You start to unwrap the plastic off like a virgin unwraps a condom when he is about to get his first fuck! You get to the “other” plastic part on the top of the DVD that requires you to use your only finger nail that is long enough to open this bitch up. Oh now you have discovered the “other” plastic parts that are along the side and bottom of the DVD. Now you start to pull out knifes and shit to pop those off. Now you’re scratching the fucking case you moron! Damn, you never thought you’d get those off. Wait, what the fuck is this Security Device shit? Ah hell, now you can’t find the scissors you just had! So you start to pick at the “more” plastic parts, your nail starts to become weak and then it begins to bend. Now it’s broken. FUCK! Okay, this is ridiculous, now you’re so frustrated that you want to just try and pull the case apart until it opens and these damn things pop off!

Score! Your DVD is in, your lazy ass is on the couch and you’re ready! 20 minutes in and you’re fucking tired after a long battle in war. Now you remember why you own like two movies.

When You Become a Don’t Answer

You have now become listed in my phone as a Don’t Answer and have been checked in the box that says Send to Voicemail.

In this case, the only two reasons would be; I have met someone and I am no longer interested in you. That’s it. I have never made myself believe that I needed a great reason to break it off if you never reached the important level in my book. You never sunk deep enough into my brain to think about you to even allow me the urge to keep your name somewhere in the notes under your new name, Don’t Answer. So I give you the most famous line I am known for “this isn’t working for me”. This is also the time I say “I’m losing your number, I never expect to hear from you”. You have become “one of those” guys who is only good for a distraction when needed; only good for a build me up after a bad night; a possible booty call; a date, for one of my friends. The funny part about it is, you’re extremely good looking, have lots going for you except for the part when you became a Don’t Answer.

You become entertainment when it’s girls night out and you text me silly shit like, hope your well and want to meet up later? One, I have no clue which Don’t Answer you are because you are one of six in my phone. Two, you keep texting me days later even though I never responded to your last 5 texts. Three, It was my mistake to give you my email because now your sending me fucking messages that I don’t give a flying fuck about. I don’t give a damn if you need a date to something I really want to go to because I have RULES. I don’t give a damn if you get free cheesecake and I used to totally take advantage of it, but I have RULES that must be followed.

My memory is horrible, so if you have mentioned to me where your chill spot is and you happen to run into me there I may not remember you. I may have forgotten your name and the things we did together and the fact that this is where you ALWAYS come. Do not be offended by this. I am the official girl that men call a Jerk or if I really make their balls feel a sting they call me A Real Asshole. I’m the girl that doesn’t need a reason to say no to you, I do not need a reason to tell complete idiotic types of lies to make you go away. Most important is, if I ever told you to Fuck Off it was because you started to really yank on my imaginary balls there that hang right underneath the imaginary dick that I would have told you to choke on.

I hope you learned something from this.

According to My Man Friends

When guys and girls start to date and the texts start to become more a day, you have to wait a while before texting her back so she thinks she isn’t the only thing on your mind. WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE THINK THIS? When a guy is on his way to pick you up, he really doesn’t care what you’re wearing. FUCKING LIE! Men only are interested in women who have soft voices and long hair; big boobs are always a bonus. SO IF A WOMEN HAS MEDIUM SIZE BOOBS OR EVEN SMALL ONES, WHAT IS THAT? IS THAT LIKE THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL KIND OF PICK? Men feel more at ease when they are around their friends and you’re tag-in-along. FUCK THIS! FYI, AS EASY IT IS FOR YOU TO FEEL THAT WAY; IT’S JUST AS EASY FOR US TO LEAVE!! Men only reach out to you via text, web, and call when they are bored and have nothing else to do. So they reach out to you because they know you will respond immediately. THIS IS BULLSHIT AND I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS. Men do not want you talking about them to your friends because when you meet them they think you two may be boyfriend and girlfriend, and men do not like titles. FIRST OFF, EITHER DO WE! UNLESS BOTH PARTIES HAVE AGREED TO BECOME EXCLUSIVE, FUCK THE TITLES! FUCK THE TITLES AND THE FUCKING WORLD THEY CRAWLED OUT OF. All men like fake boobs, just not when their women has them. WTF? HAVE YOU HEARD OF EQUAL OPPORTUNITY? I PERSONALLY DO NOT OWN FAKE BOOBS BUT THAT IS JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION. Please don’t ask a man if your ass looks fat in those jeans, we don’t give a monkey’s ass. TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH! Men want to send you flowers, only on the days we have to like Valentines Day and your birthday. FUCK FLOWERS AND BRING ME DARK CHOCOLATE AND SOME RUM! Star gazing to women is 100% different to a man. To women it is really star gazing; to a man it’s getting laid on the hood of his car. WAIT, I HAVE NO REBUTTLE TO THAT ONE.

What normal sophisticated man actually feels this way?

Tangled

I woke up tangled
I cant move and I feel stuck
no matter how hard I try to get out
it holds me back.
I'm tangled in my words,
tangled in my thoughts,
and tangled with vibes.
Its beginning to deprive me from sleep,
its slowly making its way into my eyes,
soon you may be able to see it,
soon you may understand.
for now I remain tangled,
I remain unsure,
until you see the knots in my eyes,
until you feel the shift in my thoughts,
I leave this in limbo.

Captive by Choice

Waking up to a snow colored room,
I can feel the cold running its way through my body,
Just when I started searching for warmth,
His arms came around and held me tight.
Fresh morning faces with tired eyes,
He kisses me,
We outline each other’s faces with our fingertips,
Lying in bed for hours seemed like a moment,
Exchanging very little words, only smiles
and glances,
Held captive by the pillows and sheets,
The only moving we do is towards each other.
Morning kisses become routine,
But still brings a bit of surprisal,
He once again gave me butterflies,
And once again he gave me a grin.

A Wrinkle from My Brain

Work:
Just when I thought my hard efforts went unnoticed, I was praised by someone I truly respect and look up to. When I felt like the stress on my face wasn't shouting out for help, someone lent a hand. When my forehead hit my keyboard I thought my questions were left out to die but then my phone rang and I found my answer. I sat at my desk, staring at all the accounts I've worked on for years, I could see the account numbers giving me devious looks. My day was over, but there is still Friday...

Kids:
I've become such a better story reader at bedtime; I'm now the bubble monster at bath time; I've become a good story teller during dinner time; I have noticed more bruises on my legs from my kids throwing the football to me. All of these things are my 6 year old's opinion, he tells me he's lucky to have a cool mom but hates when his friends ask to come over to see his mom! My 2 year old thinks I'm a fairy and that I must know Tinkerbell. Our tradition is star shaped pancakes.

Friends:
I've recently become like the relationship expert in the Cosmo section. I've had friends ask for advice that I am more than willing to give! These friends are my amazing tools to friendship, I cherish them and respect their sensitive situations. I feel I learned a lot from my marriage and that now that it is over I can apply the wrongs and rights to my friends and help them see the big picture as to which battles to fight for. In return, they also give me great advice.

Me:
I'm becoming content with myself. My high expectations for life are still there, but I've seen them come out recently and it has me thinking. I can be competitive but friendly, I can seem unsure, but I stay confident, I am very proactive, but still ask questions. I hold my head high and slightly beneath the clouds. When I want something I do my best to get it, when I don't want it I can assure myself to never reach for it. I can feel myself maturing, becoming a women and finding things about me that I never knew were there. I am proud of myself.

First Friday of November

It's wasn't until when I realized I went to bed that night and really felt my heart beating again. I stared at the ceiling fan in my dimmed room wondering what this meant? What do I do? For hours I went back and forth rubbing my eyes, trying to write to get the shit out of my head. Nothing came out, nothing but something. I was in shock, my heart raced as I thought about it, as I said it to myself. Whispering so maybe I would not hear it. My body felt chill, feverish and urges arising to just tell someone. Who? Someone that I could possibly avoid that wouldn't give me a lecture and those most promising words that friends give you when they have no advice, "be careful is all I'm saying".

I didn't go to bed that night, in fact I didn't sleep that entire weekend. I tried to come up with a plan on how I can get this off my chest, how can I say this and not sound like a complete idiot? Well, I didn't. All I have ever done was wrote about in my poetry but never really said those words. Everyday I became a little more nervous and anxious to see the look, to hear the thoughts, to remember what I was wearing, to keep the scent in my nose and to remember how my body felt...on the day I say it. My plan never played out, but everything happens for a reason.

Best of the Week: Kiss and Tell - 'The View' Video | AOL Television

Best of the Week: Kiss and Tell - 'The View' Video AOL Television



More pleasant to kiss a women than a man?

Ice Cream

He was there when homework got tough, nothing like a little ice cream wouldn't fix! When boys made me cry or broke my heart he dried my tears and helped me hide my heart(at the time). Girls nights out ended up with him coming out everytime! I can't wait to exchange our words that we consider our life, and to watch the water spout as we sit back and eat ice cream. What a great person he is and what a great friend he has been...even though he is the one that introduced me to my soon to be ex-hubby!!

I'm good!

I'm not a WILD child...

I've had my share of wild nights; flirting with everyone I see; one night stands; strip club parties; skinny dipping; kissing girls; dating girls...you name it I have most likely done it!

The point here is, I grew up but kept a little of all that inside me. I got married at 22, now I'm divorcing at 25 with 2 wonderful kids. My divorce didn't take all of me out, just the sad pieces. It's still me, the same friend I was 3 years ago. Energetic, silly, clumsy and sometimes a little loud. I don't feel that defines me as a "wild" person. I've never been so bothered by having my friends make that comment to me like I have been the last 4 months.

Two of my greatest friends, 1 of 12 years and the other of 5 have never once said I was "wild". Maybe that is because they truly know me and know my boundaries. I also know myself better than anyone else, why aren't my words enough to believe? Why do I feel the need to keep refreshing everyone else about my life?

I don't exactly want to become a conservative non-stiletto wearing kind of girl, but I do want people to know I think I clean up pretty well!

So take that!

Friday Morning

I roll out of bed and I sit up as the sun peeks in through my window.

I lay back down and notice I have a smile on my face.

I tug on my ears when I get nervous,

so I knew why I woke up with that smile.

Him.

He put it there.

I'm making coffee and I think of that cold day

staring out the window and he's to my right.

Staring at me as if I were a stranger

and he were interested.

Not strange enough, we went there together.

His reassurance took the cold drift right out of me.

I was warm. We kissed.

Those words almost slipped off my tongue,

into his hands.

I sipped my latte and gave him a smerk.

Could he tell my eyes almost rolled onto the floor

and that he would of had my heart in his hands

and it would of just been there, waiting for him to respond?

Would he say I love you back or

would this be the moment when we start

to talk about how cold it is outside?

After my reminiscing moment I go for a run.

I can see my breath, my fingers are numb.

I think of him and start to laugh.

Remembering the fire pit lighting up his face,

his blue eyes glowing as he stared at me...again.

His breath of beer and wine pulled me a little closer,

any excuse to touch him was a good one.

To run my fingers through his hair again made me smile.

To feel his fingers running through my hair felt so good.

We kissed. Said I love you. Felt happy.

Every memory of him is a great one.

Next time I see him,

I'll be sure to take him all in...