Another year, another lease! NOT!
This year my life has already changed. It has had it's ups and it's downs. You're thinking, yeah so does every year. But this year I saw things from a different view like Dewitt Jones better explains it, "But vision controls our perception, and our perception becomes our reality".
Seeing things in this new light gave it much more meaning to me. A better reason to see plan B as that second hand to hold and not as something to fall back on because plan A failed.
"by celebrating the best -- that allows us to fall in love with it, that connects us with our passion, that emancipates the energy." Dewitt Jones.
That quote says it all for me. Now that I am in love, I'm in love in a whole new light. I love him so much I fall to my knees from his words and that his eyes are so deep it carries me back up. Just like that. I love him enough to make sure he has a full tummy before bed. He makes me feel that love when he tells me I'm beautiful in the morning. He brings out a laugh only he controls. I've falling in love with him because he allowed me to lay in his heart and feel free.
Our love has grown old enough to allow us to put each others lives in our hands and move in together. Meaning, everything will be under one roof. That makes me happy. And what makes me happy, makes him happy. It's our own circle of life.
And for those who do not know, he has taken a role in not only my life but in my children's lives. It's a big deal. Fireworks go off every time he shows them attention and when they remember after he has left. It melts my heart. And I know I've said no man could ever melt my heart. But this man has; loving two kids who aren't his own and loving me for just myself is only a crumb of the cake. He is the kind of man you read about and only wish you had one.
He is my blessing and enhances that every time I fall asleep next to him.
So if the years to come have ups and downs, I'm ready for them with him standing next to me.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sunday. The day before Monday.
I have a lot to say and intended to speak with a friend but he was busy and so blogging it is! So the blogging nation will need to deal with my few minutes of ranting.
My parents moved to Nevada this past February. I miss them so much it hurts. My kids miss them and I feel so home sick. There are just some things my parents can give me that no one else can. Home comfort. This weekend was by far one of the toughest weekends with my kids. They were all over the place non stop. Not that they were misbehaving, but just so full of energy. Being a single mother I'm sure others can relate.
Friday night we played games until we were all drained. Woke up Saturday morning to cartoons and the kids jumping on the bed telling me they are dying of hunger. So I make them a large breakfast that they barely ate. Ugh that made me so mad! Then as I'm cleaning it all up they tell me they are hungry. I made them eat an apple.
So then we spend almost five hours at the pool with some of my friends and between, the kids, beer and sun I was just out of whatever it is that keeps me alive. We went to bed pretty early.
Sunday, not always a fun day! I had somewhat of a hangover, I didn't eat until like noon and I couldn't even finish my coffee because my kids had to play with play dough which they managed to get everywhere. Then I cooked dinner at like 4pm so we could fly kites....The kitchen was a mess. I hate doing dishes. I hate doing dishes when I'm tired. I hate doing dishes when I'm tired and mad.
AND, I HAD to take my kids to the grocery store today because I needed to! They were sooo bad. I could not believe these were my kids!!
If my parents were here this weekend would have been better. But they weren't and it gets me so damn sad. I remember when my mom would make such a big deal about getting sleep, so she would take the kids for a few hours so I could nap.
I have amazing parents and I love them very much. I wish they would follow this blog but they are old fashioned and can barely text.
My eyes are sore, my head is pounding, my body is tired, my legs are unsettled, my back is throbbing....No energy could be found if energy was the only thing that could save my life.
Goodnight.
My parents moved to Nevada this past February. I miss them so much it hurts. My kids miss them and I feel so home sick. There are just some things my parents can give me that no one else can. Home comfort. This weekend was by far one of the toughest weekends with my kids. They were all over the place non stop. Not that they were misbehaving, but just so full of energy. Being a single mother I'm sure others can relate.
Friday night we played games until we were all drained. Woke up Saturday morning to cartoons and the kids jumping on the bed telling me they are dying of hunger. So I make them a large breakfast that they barely ate. Ugh that made me so mad! Then as I'm cleaning it all up they tell me they are hungry. I made them eat an apple.
So then we spend almost five hours at the pool with some of my friends and between, the kids, beer and sun I was just out of whatever it is that keeps me alive. We went to bed pretty early.
Sunday, not always a fun day! I had somewhat of a hangover, I didn't eat until like noon and I couldn't even finish my coffee because my kids had to play with play dough which they managed to get everywhere. Then I cooked dinner at like 4pm so we could fly kites....The kitchen was a mess. I hate doing dishes. I hate doing dishes when I'm tired. I hate doing dishes when I'm tired and mad.
AND, I HAD to take my kids to the grocery store today because I needed to! They were sooo bad. I could not believe these were my kids!!
If my parents were here this weekend would have been better. But they weren't and it gets me so damn sad. I remember when my mom would make such a big deal about getting sleep, so she would take the kids for a few hours so I could nap.
I have amazing parents and I love them very much. I wish they would follow this blog but they are old fashioned and can barely text.
My eyes are sore, my head is pounding, my body is tired, my legs are unsettled, my back is throbbing....No energy could be found if energy was the only thing that could save my life.
Goodnight.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Couldn't Sleep
Never mind the answer to the question asked,
forget the moment when it all went boom.
Anger is the fault for a sleepless night
to which spilled over to a horrible morning.
Let it be, those words exchanged,
for nothing needs to be explained.
Let the stress disappear
and let me fall back to sleep.
The only light that is always on,
is now gone, far away.
No need for comfort or even joy
forget the need to need that time.
Forget the feeling I felt inside
forget that thought that leaped around.
Don't slide me to the right,
for left is where I'd rather lay.
My eyes are shut but my mind
is open,
thoughts linger late so it seems,
midnight's here and has brushed away sleep.
Current status is; no, why and how.
The eyes are drooping and have lost the fight,
bedtime is calling, but this time without the light.
forget the moment when it all went boom.
Anger is the fault for a sleepless night
to which spilled over to a horrible morning.
Let it be, those words exchanged,
for nothing needs to be explained.
Let the stress disappear
and let me fall back to sleep.
The only light that is always on,
is now gone, far away.
No need for comfort or even joy
forget the need to need that time.
Forget the feeling I felt inside
forget that thought that leaped around.
Don't slide me to the right,
for left is where I'd rather lay.
My eyes are shut but my mind
is open,
thoughts linger late so it seems,
midnight's here and has brushed away sleep.
Current status is; no, why and how.
The eyes are drooping and have lost the fight,
bedtime is calling, but this time without the light.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
A New Aspect In The Name Of Love
So there I was, standing in the body wash isle jamming out to my IPod. As I am trying to figure out which body wash I want, Cheap Trick's 'I want you to want me', came on and suddenly a thought popped into my head; maybe I should get a body wash that my boyfriend and myself could both use. One that doesn't smell like a women or man. Normally I am reaching for the most floral scent without a doubt, except for this time.
I'm standing there, with a blank face; my mouth is probably open a little and people are trying to reach around me just grabbing A body wash. They didn't stand there for a second to smell it, or try and decide if one was better than the other. So I'm taking deep breathes because I didn't know which one I should grab. I don't even know if he would notice or think "why doesn't she have her normal girly one?"....But oh well.
When I reached for one, I grabbed the Cucumber and Green Tea scent. I couldn't believe I was compromising my body wash for a man that only showers at my place here and there.....but I did. Of course body wash is only a micro piece of importance, but it felt important and was worth writing about.
Then again, if subliminal messages were implemented into that song then I am fucked....I love that song!
I'm standing there, with a blank face; my mouth is probably open a little and people are trying to reach around me just grabbing A body wash. They didn't stand there for a second to smell it, or try and decide if one was better than the other. So I'm taking deep breathes because I didn't know which one I should grab. I don't even know if he would notice or think "why doesn't she have her normal girly one?"....But oh well.
When I reached for one, I grabbed the Cucumber and Green Tea scent. I couldn't believe I was compromising my body wash for a man that only showers at my place here and there.....but I did. Of course body wash is only a micro piece of importance, but it felt important and was worth writing about.
Then again, if subliminal messages were implemented into that song then I am fucked....I love that song!
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