Damaged Goods

A broken life can never live a normal one. Trying to complicates things. Like trying to wake up everyday and feeling like you're drowning in a life that you shouldn't have. A life that may belong to someone else. Yes, you may have had a good life and everything was fine then something comes in the middle of it and next thing you know you are all alone again.

Sometimes alone is all you may know and no matter how many times you try to put yourself out there, all it does is make you sad. And being sad should not be the emotion that controlls you. And crying shouldn't be the wheel to your life but you find your self being steered by it. It's hard to let go and find peace.

Then you remember why you tried to find piece and then you find out why its out of the question.

There's no reason, no plan for you to try harder. At least that is how it seems. You can't be with someone that has deep scars. If they're closed, there bound to open all over again. Those scars are always left to leave you talking about them. They never go away.

Sometimes you wish you could sleep all day and life took place in your dreams but you can't escape reality. It follows you even when you're sleeping. It's there waiting for you once you wake up, get dressed and go to work. There's no escaping.

You can sit an stare at a wall for hours and not realize its been more than twenty minutes. Because what happens is that wall starts to turn into a window with the people you know, the place you work, the things you like. And they start taking action and soon or later things start to make sense then they don't and that's when you start to questions things.

Then once the questions appear, everything else starts to fade out. Now you have hundreds of your problems staring at you. Sooner or later that's when the tears play there part and you just want to sleep.

But the great thing about that wall, is that the problems are there but they can't talk and they can't move. The first long blinks then their gone and its just a white wall again until another episode.

Only Time Can Tell

I love it when everything seems to be going right and you are on cloud 9. That is when time flies by. Seems like the days are shorter even in the summer when they technically are supposed to be longer. Feels like the time doesn't notice any one else but you when you are enjoying life.

I hate it when everything is going wrong and the time seems to slow down. Like it knows that you are in trouble or pain and its getting its pleasure from you. I know this is all in mu head, but when shit is going wrong all you know how to do is watch the time and count the days.

The past few weeks my mind has taken a turn and its caused body aches and pain in my brain. My mood has changed ten different times this weekend, I don't want to eat but I can sure sleep all day.

I hope this phase of what whatever-ness will go away soon so I can go back to living a normal life.