Then and Now

It takes years of emotions,
hurtful words,
lakes of tears,
to understand how to let go.
It takes blind eyes,
a numb heart,
no mirror's,
to be able to stick around.
It takes high walls,
pounds of doubt,
fear in your blood,
to think love isn't really out there.
It takes a stranger's conversation,
the cold hard truth,
understanding,
to be able to know it only gets better.
It takes the right one,
a handful of right choices,
a kiss that changes your life,
to know everything happened for a reason.

MARS

I'm learning, at the age of 27, that men really are from Mars. I've learned a few things that raise questions, that make my nose crinkle. As much as men are from Mars, I still have good reason to do and say the things I do.

I'm tempted to go to an old peoples home and question the little old men about the true reasons men spark a circuit when it comes to relationships. But that would require conversation and the only person I want to have a conversation with isn't around.

During a break, that the man chose to take, he tells you to take care of yourself; he tells you live your life like normal...

This doesn't sit too well with me. Why? Well, after years of very serious relationships and lots of doubt about men I know I found a man who gives me something I never had before and I feel incredible when I'm with him.

But did you read what I said? We are on a break. Is this an incredible man? Absolutely. I must stay away from this wonderful man. I cannot text him 'i love you' whenever I want. Most definitely no naughty action. You can only imagine. Can you say nails on a chalkboard? Yes. I can say and did say that.

My body is deprived. As he says to be happy on my own because we have to be happy with ourselves before we can make others happy. Well....I'm happy. I'm allowed to have emotions towards this. Even when I cry, I'm happy still. Men forget we are women. An emotional species. Specially me. Throw sticks and stones, I'm crying so hard the boogers are running so fast they're getting into my mouth. Yeah, I know.

That is gross.

A big part of my happiness was him. I really like the person I am when I'm with him. Cloud 9 does exist people. I'm IN love. What does that mean? That means everything I see in the future includes him. No doubt. Not the band, the emotion. Oh, good you got that.

I refuse to not think of him. Its impossible. What's he doing? Maybe we ate the same thing today. Did he visit Dunkin Donuts (I was not paid to say this)? Are all the notes in his house that I left still there? This isn't half of what my mind goes through. I feel sorry for it. It just thinks about him all day. I mean some of us have lives to live and my mind is just fucking moping and won't snap out of it. I'm forced to drink a large icee from Target, Raspberry Blueberry flavor, to give it a brain freeze. Sheesh!

You know, well maybe you don't, but I also lost my appetite. Just flew out the window. And TRUST me, I can put down some food. I'm a chub in disguise. Its been 6 looooooooong days since I've seen him. Food isn't bringing him home any time soon. I should just hook an IV to my body with liquid food and carry it around. Other women will understand this.

The thing that men do not understand, is that we want our men around. We get sad when you don't want to see us. You say what? Memories? Yeah, there are a ton of those, which makes this not easy at all. And I am sure you men don't get as dramatic as we do, well out loud that is, but I do know you think about us. I still don't know what the hell that means but okay!

I'm happy with or without you. I'm the happiest when I am with you. Jumping for joy and shit. Boys do that to us.

We jump in our closets when you're not looking...

We smile like a 5 year old after he's ate ice cream and has a chocolate ring around his mouth. We do this when you grab our hand.

We get butterflies every single time we meet up.

We wake up in the middle of the night to watch you sleep with your mouth open and drool busting out. We give you kisses on the forehead.

We are girls. We're mushy, romantic, know what we have when we have it.

So I'll wait as long as I can. All things must come to an end eventually. At this point the only this I want to end is this break. BAM!

Men will always be from Mars, and Women will be from Venus, well when we choose too. Haha (its my blog I can say anything I want)!

Let's huddle, break and move to the next play. I MISS YOU!

Longest Siesta of my Life!

After three long days, I finally stopped crying. I also lost four pounds. Finally fit into that mini vest, no problem! Hooray!

The first night I went to the bar and really played a roll. The drunk girl who became entertaining to all around. Then went home, looked around and decided the only thing that would put me to sleep was John Mayer, but instead he made me cry then I fell asleep.

The second night, I watched a movie I shouldn't of then drank a bottle of wine....alone. I had no problem sleeping. Dinner last night was four small brownies. Well I ate them at lunch time and stayed full the whole day LOL.

The third night, I finally hear we are on a break. Now I am just in denial. Not really, just a little sad.

I'm standing back in the rain.

"Journeys end in lovers meeting."

People who find out they really never loved each other, or know the're love isn't the kind to last, stay together for years. And those who are madly, crazy in love only share a short time together; and then they spend more time trying to move on and convincing themselves it would have never worked.

In one of my favorite movies, someone says, "I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other."

And when I heard this, I immediately thought I know someday I will have the kind of person who wants to love me as much as I want to love them.

I found this person. I truly did. I know I will feel this way about him no matter what.

Love Turns Wise Women Into Fools

Your eyes are the color of her coffee in the morning,
who needs a cup when she can just stare at you and get the same result?
Your hands are like her covers at night,
so she threw her's away.
Your laugh is enough to make her laugh,
so she stopped tripping people.
Your words are so fulfilling to her,
She doesn't need to read books anymore.
Your kiss is so exhilarating,
She said goodbye to fantasising,
Your hugs make her feel like she's melting into a down comforter,
I guess you know where she'll be sleeping.
Your knowledge is so powerful,
now she believe's in magic.
Your lips are a natural lip balm,
Chapstick won't be making money off her anymore.
You're so beautiful its amazing,
she'd prefer to watch you rise than the sun.
Sleeping next to you is like watching art,
she thinks you're the best still art she's ever seen.
After she met you, she read a quote that changed her way of thinking: "I've looked around enough to know that you're the one I want to go through time with you."

Valeria Linegar has check in at I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHERE YOU ARE EVERY HOUR

*This entire post is meant to be read in Billy Mays' voice*

Hello readers and thank you for tuning in on this B.S. post today about checking in on FB/Twitter.

Have you felt that no one cares about you lately? Are you drinking something? Going to happy hour? Do you have a cold? WELL! I have something for you that will keep everyone in the loop about your life. Check in! That's right, Bobby; you can now check in on Facebook and Twitter!

Tell everyone that you are leaving your house to meet up with two friends! That's right! Not just by yourself, but you can tag two friends! You can tell everyone where you are at all times. You can tell everyone that you are at the airport with five thousand other people. Wow, that is great. You can also tell people you are at your moms house eating the beans and rice she made you! YUM! We are all jealous.

Got a cold? Check in! Tell everyone you are at urgent care. You most likely will up your comment count by doing this one. FANTASTIC! Feel better!

Grocery shopping? Check that baby in! Maybe other grocery shopping friends in that area can join you in the boring search for food!

Just got home? Check in! Tell everyone you are about to go to bed! Man, why wouldn't anyone want to know this? Puzzles me Bobby, I would love to tell everyone I am home and going to bed.

Hot date? Heat things up by, checking in!! Keep your friends updated on the cafes and bars you check into while you're on your date. Pointless? I know!

Another great one, vacation check ins! Yeah! Tell your three hundred friends you won't be home for a week incase anyone wanted to rob your house. Maybe a friend really liked that flat screen last time they were over and you refused to sell it to them. Man, what a deal!

But wait! There's more!

Check in everyday and annoy all your friends! So that next time you see your friends, there isn't anything to talk about because they've seen all your check ins. Got to love those dry conversations!

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Life As She Knows It

No one had yet to find the greatness through her heart,
some have only seen what she has through moments,
through words from her mouth.
She has yet become a muse for someones heart,
for love,
for comfort.
No one has truly searched for her love,
for her tears of joy,
but have only seen the love she has to give.
Chances have passed to swim in her laughter,
to feel the life through her eyes.
She's not in plain sight,
but in a crowd that's worth the search,
that's worth steps to take to become closer.
As chances before became numb,
became distant,
those chances aged and crumbled.
For then she knew she may never become a muse,
a lover.
For no one searched deep enough in the crowd,
She faded and became shaped into society,
losing her color,
losing her aura.
Some have only known the grays of her life,
as others don't like to paint with black and white.
She's sewn her heart in her hands,
with no needle to undo,
she takes in the pain that chases her.
As someday the sun will shine,
the rays will sway her color so much,
that it will catch an eye,
an eye of a one in search of a muse.